Episode 4 (Final) The Hidden Reason You're Not Living Your Dream Life
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Welcome to the Starlit Success Podcast. I am your host, Jessica Gaines, and today I wanna talk about what I feel, and you might not agree with me, but I feel that this is the number one reason that you are not living your dream life. And I am guilty of this, and this is why I'm saying. Maybe you don't agree with me, but this is what I resonate with the most.
This is the reason that I think I'm not living my dream life, and maybe you can relate.
Have you ever woken up one day and thought to yourself how did I get here? I shared this, on my first episode,, you look back and you're like, is this what I was shooting for this whole time? Was I planning to be in this spot in my [00:01:00] life this whole time? Or did I just kind of end up here and I wanna talk about how that actually happens?
Since I was very young, I never truly knew what I wanted to be when I grow up.
I know there's a lot of people that struggle with this. I talk to my son's friends a lot. What do you wanna be when you grow up? They're all seniors and you can hear that some of them truly know exactly what they want. Some of them are. Taking a path that maybe someone else is recommending?
Usually a parent. There's been a few of his friends that have shared with me what they wanna do. And it sounds like the parent has a lot to do with the career path that they've chosen. Any wonder, is it really what the child wants to do? Or is this what the parent wants them to do because they think it's the right path for them?
I think it's crazy that kids have to decide at such a young [00:02:00] age what they wanna do for the rest of their life. I didn't know. I have just now figured it out over 20 years later. I don't wanna say, I've wasted time, or I've lost time, because I truly believe that the universe, God has a plan for you.
And the reason that I went through that timeframe of not knowing, what it was that I wanted to do was to get me to this point so that I could actually help others and help them find their true purpose and their passion. Because I feel like when you struggle, that's actually where you find your power.
And like I said, I can't complain about my life at all.
But is this exactly how I envisioned it?
And do I want more? Is that okay to want more? I think you should always be [00:03:00] striving for more. I think that's what keeps life exciting.
So I was reading Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill, and it's a pretty interesting book. If you're familiar with Napoleon Hill, he also wrote Think and Grow Rich, and this was written I believe in the early 19 hundreds.
So Think and Grow Rich was a book about, all of the traits of these successful men and what it took to get rich. Outwitting the devil was a study on those who were failures, and , he has like this interview with the double, and he's asking him. Questions as far as, how does he get through to people?
How does he actually interfere with people's lives and cause them to fail? Now, I know this is kind of hypothetical and he wasn't actually talking to the devil. I don't know how you would [00:04:00] exactly interpret that with this interview with the devil, but one of the ways he says he gets to people.
And especially young kids is through a term called drifting. And it's basically where someone doesn't have any aim or any purpose in life. Um, And you just, they just go wherever life takes you. And when I tell you, when I read that, I was almost. Like angry at this, this devil this, this fake devil out there.
And I'm like, I can't believe I let him get to me. That was totally me. I think I was six or seven. I wanted to be a backup dancer for Janet Jackson. That's what I really wanted to be. But that was the only thing that I actually thought.
I knew what I wanted to be, [00:05:00] but as I got older and I really, I, I didn't know. What happens then?
If you're not thinking for yourself and setting those goals or that destination what you're actually doing without consciously doing it, you're really subconsciously doing it. You're letting other people you're letting the environment, your parents society, media, you're letting them think or plan your life for you.
And it's almost like you're being subconsciously influenced by your environment to just kind of, end up wherever you are. If you don't have a definite purpose, then you're just kind of going with the flow and just more so reacting to life with whatever comes along your way with whatever people, whatever circumstances, rather than you creating a life of your own design.
So I'm gonna read you a quote from this book that [00:06:00] I. Thought was pretty powerful. A drifter is one who accepts whatever life throws in his way without making a protest or putting up a fight. He doesn't know what he wants from life and spends all of his time getting just that. And that's from Napoleon Hill.
So because you don't know what you want outta your life, that's what you get a bunch of uncertainty. So. I've heard kids say, my mom wants me to go to school for this because they make a lot of money, or My dad wants me to become an engineer because that's what he did.
And you ask these kids like, is this what you wanna do? And they're like, yeah. Yeah, it, it sounds good. Like I'll try it kind of a thing without truly knowing. Is that what you wanna do? Is that something that lights you up? Do you even know what you wanna do? Why don't we, why don't we spend more time figuring that part [00:07:00] out?
Like evaluating what are some potential paths that you could take that you design, that you chose, and then even if it doesn't work out, even if that thing that you went after, it's like, you know what? I didn't really love that thing. Then you can shift to the next thing that you wanna try. That's something that, that you have control over.
Then
I think of drifting. Two different metaphors I would use for that. One is is it's like getting on a boat. So you graduate high school and you're like, I don't know what I wanna go to school for. I don't know what I wanna be. I'm gonna hop on this boat and I have no map.
I don't have a destination. I am just hopping on this boat and I'm gonna go wherever the captain wants to go or wherever all of the other [00:08:00] people on the boat want to stop, and I will just react accordingly. So if the captain stops at the first stop and , it looks okay. Looks kind of nice. The weather's okay.
Maybe I'll get off. But maybe there's some other stuff there that I'm gonna hate and I don't know it, but because I don't know, I'm just getting off and I'm just wandering aimlessly. Or what if there's the next person that they know exactly where they wanna go and they choose to get off, and they're like, oh, come on. This place is so nice. They got the best food, they got the best entertainment. Come on. And they talk me into going, well now I'm just kind of following them. So. I hope you get my drift is when you follow other people you're just reacting.
You're not creating
another metaphor I like to use with this is imagine you saying that you wanna go on vacation and I think we can all relate to [00:09:00] planning a vacation. What is the first thing you do when you plan a vacation? You pick a destination because if you don't have a destination, how are you gonna get there? And then on top of knowing how to get there, you have to know how to plan for it.
I'm gonna pack and plan so much differently if I am driving to Chicago. For a weekend in the winter versus flying to Jamaica for a weekend in the winter, your travel is gonna be different. The time that you take off work is gonna be different. The way you pack your suitcase is gonna be different.
You need to know where you're going so that you can plan accordingly and. . There's a lot of little details you gotta figure out. First, you gotta plan where you're going. Then you gotta, then you gotta pick a [00:10:00] place and. If you're on anything like me, you read 8 million reviews before you pick a place.
Then you gotta get your flights. So you gotta evaluate all the different days and the different times. And you align a flight that works best for your life and your sleep schedule. So maybe you're not on a red eye. You have to pack your clothing accordingly, depending on what makes you comfortable.
Are we going to a tropical restaurant? Do I wanna wear a. Fancy dress versus a weekend in Chicago. Maybe I want like a super fuzzy sweater and a cute hat and some, winter boots. There's so much more that you plan for when you know where you're going. If someone's like, Hey, you wanna go on a trip?
You're like, yeah, let's go. Where are we going? I don't know. How are you gonna feel? I'm gonna feel super unprepared. So then let's say you end up in Jamaica with all of your winter gear, and you're on a [00:11:00] flight that's in the middle of the night and it interferes with your work schedule, and now you're feeling all of this anxiety and drama because you didn't plan for this, it just kind of happened to you.
When you think about it it's really one of the most dangerous ways to live because life then makes choices for you. You're not in the driver's seat anymore. You're letting life just tell you where you're going and when.
So what happens? You end up in jobs that you don't love.
You stay in relationships just out of comfort.
You waste years not pursuing your gifts.
And the scariest part is sometimes you don't even realize that this happened until decades later.
The way to get out of drifting is. To be clear on your purpose. And if you're not sure what your purpose is, think about what do you [00:12:00] value in life? How do you want your life to feel? Who do you want around you? How do you wanna spend your time? These are all things that I wasn't really clear on until probably the last, I'd say the last few years, and those are some questions I had to ask myself.
What do I value? Maybe, I don't know exactly what I want to do in life. Maybe I just know how I want it to feel. I know for sure I wanna spend more time with my family. I want to have more time period. I want more freedom with my time. I wanna be able to do things when I want to do them.
When I feel like doing them, I don't wanna have to wake up according to someone else's timeline or do a job that someone else wants me to do. And I think most of us can relate to that.
And it doesn't mean you need to have the whole plan mapped [00:13:00] out. Like I said, if you at least have somewhat of an idea of how you want it to feel how you wanna spend your time, start trying things.
The first step is really even just identifying, are you drifting? Have you been drifting? Is the way you're living your life exactly how you defined it? Is it exactly how you want it to be? And if not, why? What could you change? What is some, some small step that you could take that would then start pulling you in the right direction?
Is it your job that you drifted on? Is it your relationship? Is it your personal, your self goals? What is something that would start moving you in that right direction? Is it taking a class? Is it being of service? Is it finding something that you can be creative with?
Define your North [00:14:00] Star. , If it's something a little more broad, freedom, creativity, service, it just gives you some sense of direction , if it's freedom. Okay. What does that look like for you? Start taking those necessary steps to move you in that direction.
Set some small, definite goals. Once you get clear on your why or your broader vision, what are some smaller things that you can do to kind of move the needle and start setting some dates? Take that messy action like I mentioned before.
You don't need to have it all mapped out. When I started. Taking control of my own life and trying to figure out what it is that I. Really wanted to do, like what would give me that sense of purpose and what would light me up and give me that that feeling of passion that I was doing every day.
I started off with a few other things, which I'll probably go into detail on a different episode, but I'll use my husband as an example. When I [00:15:00] helped him get into the sync licensing industry, I didn't know that would then lead me. Here to being a spiritual mindset coach and getting really into self-development and astrology and the woo as I would call it.
I didn't know that's where it would lead me, but when you start taking that, that first step your course gets clearer along the way. It's almost like you're in a. Like you're in a forest , a very dense forest, and you can't see your way out. You just know that , you wanna get to the other side,
You just start taking those steps and maybe you see a trail down this way and the path is clear over here. And as you just start taking that action towards the direction that you wanna go , you'll make it out. It'll get clear, along the way. I hope that made sense.
Look at your habits. What are you doing every day that is going [00:16:00] to give you that momentum to move forward? Are you complaining about your job every single day? And then you come home and you watch Netflix all night? Is that moving you towards living your purpose and your passion?
Are you looking for a new relationship yet? You never put yourself out there. What actions are you taking to actually put yourself in a situation where you meet someone?
Do you have a hobby that you wanna turn into a potential career or maybe even just generate some income from maybe you maybe you do design work maybe you're a singer, maybe you're a photographer. What steps could you take to get yourself out there to potentially lead to more of a profitable business?
Drifters are gonna spend a lot more [00:17:00] time just living on autopilot and. Purposeful people are going to align their routines with where they're actually going.
I want you to just do one thing today. Write down one thing where you feel like maybe you've been drifting on, and maybe that's your career. Maybe it's your health, maybe you wanna. Be more healthy. You wanna get more fit. Maybe it is your relationship, maybe you're not happy with the relationship that you're in.
But what could you do to improve your relationship? What could you control and choose to make it even better? Maybe it's your purpose. I know I struggled with that quite a bit. Like what? What is my purpose? Just start learning.
Start reading. Do things that will help you rediscover yourself
and just ask yourself, what would my life actually look like if I stopped drifting and started choosing?
Having that clarity is the first step to taking back your [00:18:00] power.
So I would love to hear. If this episode resonated with you, where in your life have you discovered that you've been drifting, and what steps are you gonna take to course correct and take control? All right. I would love for you to DM me. Leave a comment below and I hope to see you on the next episode.
