Episode 6 (Final) - Why Ignoring Your Emotions Is Keeping You Stuck
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Welcome to the Starlit Success Podcast, I'm your host, Jessica Gaines. Thanks for tuning in today. We're trying something a little different. I have a special guest behind me if you can see her. That is our dog, jazzy. I am hoping she's gonna be on her best behavior Today. We have a little bit of, activity going on outside.
My sons are detailing a car I don't normally record during this time. It's actually a Friday night and it's beautiful out so everyone in the neighborhood is outside and walking their dogs. Jazzy gets very excited about that, so we're gonna see how she does. If she behaves, we'll continue . but thank you for bearing with me.
We'll see how it goes. So today I actually wanna talk about,, something that we all deal with on a very regular basis, and that is our emotions. And I wanna talk about how [00:01:00] I don't believe many of us are using them as a tool, and I have been guilty of this in the past myself. You know, we think of emotions as just something.
We have to process or we have to deal with, depending on life circumstances or an event or a relationship , or whatever, whatever it is that you're dealing with. An emotion is usually a result of something that happens. I think a lot of people think that it's just something that they have to get through.
And I think a, a big mistake a lot of people make is thinking that it's something that they should, if it's a, if it's a negative emotion, that's something that they have to maybe ignore or suppress in some cases. And in some cases, I think some people tend to just try to distract themselves from the emotion.
, Or even, even numb them. And instead of numbing them or instead of distracting [00:02:00] yourself or, um, just burying them down deep, you really should be using them as a tool to guide you. It's really a message from your higher self showing you what is in alignment with you and what isn't. When you ignore emotions or when you suppress them, or when you numb them, or when you distract yourself and you don't actually deal with them or pay attention to them, they'll show up and they'll manifest in things such as, you know, stress. Burnout, , or sometimes they can even manifest into physical health issues.
Think about how often you are stressed or angry or feeling anxious if you ignore them or if you distract yourself or whatever it is. Does it go away?
I think a big mistake is when you don't pay attention to what those feelings are. You end up repeating the same old things, the same old pattern show up for you, and you don't ever truly [00:03:00] understand what that inner guidance is trying to tell you. I look at emotions as like they're your. Your internal GPS system.
So it's a way to actually route you to the, highest version of yourself possible. So it's the the most aligned path that you were meant for.
And I am not talking about an emotion such as, you know, the loss of a loved one or, a loss of a job or a bad breakup, I'm talking about an emotion that you're feeling that tends to be. More so a, a pattern of something that you're, you're living with on a daily basis. So the end of something an injury, those are all healthy natural emotions that you're supposed to process.
I'm talking about those emotions that you're feeling such as a job that you hate, or, a relationship that's out of alignment. I kind of tend to look at emotions as. They're, they're kind of like a system. I dunno if you've ever played the [00:04:00] game, I don't even know if this is the name of it, but I know my brother and I used to play it.
I sometimes play it with my kids when you like hide something and you, it's like warmer or colder. So I don't know. You hide something and you can't, you can't give the person any clues. You can't talk to them. You can't point, you just have to say warmer or colder. And you have to be sure not to like look in that direction of the thing that you hid, but you know, it's there.
And as they get closer or further away, warmer means closer and further away is colder. So I tend to think of emotions as though if, if your higher self or if the best version of yourself, you're the self that has everything you could possibly want, and that is living your ultimate dream life if they were trying to communicate with you.
So this is already you and a future version of yourself who's already accomplished [00:05:00] everything they could possibly dream of. They're trying to communicate with you. To tell you when you're out of alignment. And the only way they can do that is through your emotions. So if that is through negative emotions, it's your higher self is telling you that's not meant for you colder, move away from that. And negative emotions. When I say negative emotions, I don't, I don't wanna necessarily say that they're bad because they're serving a purpose. So things such as. Anxiety, frustration, anger, emptiness, those would signal you away. So in my, in my personal case, you know, I've been feeling very unfulfilled, very empty. I didn't know what that meant. I just knew that I had to do something about it. And it led me to where I am now.
It led me to learning more about why [00:06:00] I'm feeling that way. So it was my higher self saying, you are meant for more than this, and that's why I'm making you feel this way. That's why you're feeling this way, is because you're feeling that pull. You're feeling that there's something missing.
That emptiness is your sign that there's more inside of you that's not being tapped into.
It's your unfulfilled potential. It's your higher self nudging you to grow.
Have you ever ignored the feelings that you've had, maybe negative feelings that you've had about a job, a relationship, or even a decision that you've made, and then only to find out later that you were right. There was a reason that you were feeling those feelings at that time.
That feeling wasn't random. That was your internal GPS saying, you are off track. You need to course correct.
And if the other side of the token is when you have those good feelings, so those feelings of [00:07:00] excitement, of happiness, peace, and joy, that means you're getting warmer. You're getting closer to that version of yourself that you are destined to be and pay attention to that. Move toward that. Give that whatever that thing is that's making you feel that way, that's giving, that's lighting you up.
Give that more attention. See where that goes.
I know for example, long, long time ago, I was much, much younger. I was in a. Pretty at the time, I didn't think it was a toxic relationship. You know, it was a teenage relationship. And I just remember there always being drama. There was always drama. I was always hearing negative things. I was always in this constant turmoil.
And I always had this feeling like there was, there was something that I was missing. And he was being unfaithful, like the whole relationship. And I chose to ignore it. Chose to ignore the [00:08:00] feelings. I chose to ignore the people telling me, I don't know why. I just felt like I should just stick things through, uh, because I thought I loved him at the time.
Later on I realized. That was not the case.
Have you ever had a situation where you, you felt those negative emotions? I'm gonna call it negative feedback because I feel like negative feedback is more of like a course correction. And if you have a situation in your life when you're, when you're facing a negative emotion. Almost on repeat, like it's a pattern.
It's happening on a regular basis. That's really when you need to tune in. at one of my, a past job, this is when I, it really kicked in. I was feeling like this, like torment animals. Like I would dread, I would dread coming into work. No one likes that feeling of dread. Okay?
In any case, especially if it's something that you have to get up to or get up [00:09:00] for every single day, and it's your livelihood, and I remember at that time trying to do everything I could to keep that job. But just change something else about it, like maybe change the department or change the schedule. Thinking those things would actually make me feel better, I guess. and I hit a roadblock every time I tried to change the department or the schedule.
It was like, no, no, every everything was a no, which now I'm super thankful for. Because looking back, I know that I wasn't in alignment with that job. I wasn't meant to do that. I was meant for so much more. So I, I didn't know what I was doing at the time, and I'm sure most people can relate to this at some point, but it, there just gets to a point where you're just so unhappy you have to make a change. And I feel like with most people it has to get to that point. It has to get so. [00:10:00] Freaking painful for you to decide to finally make that change. And that's where I was. And I wish it wasn't like that. I wish people would, would make more effort to pay attention to how they're feeling and be a little bit more proactive.
I'm learning that myself now, but that's your higher self saying that it, it's, it's time to get out. So I, I finally decided to leave and that was one of the best decisions I've ever made. You know, you don't wanna get to a point where you are just stressed out and burnt out and beat up that, that's when you decide to make the change.
You know, just start tuning in, just tapping into to what that higher self is trying to tell you.
And then pay attention to the patterns. So I was at that job. I was there for quite, quite a long time, probably close to, I wanna say it was maybe nine years. And then I was at the next job for. Close to 10. But I, I was really happy there. And then you've heard a little bit of my story since then.
So I've [00:11:00] had a few jobs since, and none of them have, I felt, unfortunately none of them have, I felt excited about, like, I am so excited to do this. I cannot wait. Like this brings me so much joy and purpose. I don't get that. I get, That it's something that I have to do. And granted, I like, my coworkers.
I like the company. But it's not giving me that excitement that this does, this what I'm doing now, talking to people, talking to you, being someone that people can rely on for inspiration and guidance and encouragement, that lifts me up. You know, helping people change their mindset and improve their lives for the better. That's what I enjoy. That's what I feel truly lights me up. And the thing is, is when you start paying attention to how you're feeling about something. Naturally you will get aligned with the path that's meant for [00:12:00] you. It's not a linear path. It's almost like a little, like your, like your GPS is constantly rerouting, okay? So if you have negative feelings about something that is almost like a pattern. So in my experience with, multiple jobs that I've been unhappy with, I started to pay attention. If I haven't been happy at the last few jobs, and not to say that it's the, the job itself or the company, it's just I was out of alignment with it.
So would me finding a new job, working for the next company fix that? I'm guessing probably not if. You're doing something multiple times and nothing is changing, then you need to course correct. That's your emotions telling you that you're not in alignment, you're not in alignment with this path.
Explore something different. And the the crappy part is, is that it can't, your higher self can't come down and tap you on the shoulder and say, Hey. Um, Hey Jess, you're actually meant to help [00:13:00] people improve their lives and transform their mindsets.
No one's gonna float down and tell me exactly what I meant to do. I had to figure that out on my own, and it's not like it just. I don't, I didn't just figure it out overnight. This is years in the making. You know, I tried multiple things. , One of the first things that I tried was when I just knew, I'm like, okay, well clearly working a nine to five just isn't lighting me up.
Let me do something that I wanna do. Let me see if there's something that, that interests me, that brings me joy that is on my terms. So. It's, it's interesting too 'cause when you change your mindset, opportunities just start flowing to you. You just see them everywhere, right? Whereas when you have more of like a lack or a limited mindset, you don't, you don't see that as often.
So I think I was scrolling on Instagram or something and something caught my eye on, um. It was real estate tax investing, and I'm looking at this [00:14:00] ad and my normal self would've just been like, oh, this is a scam. Just keep scrolling or dismiss it. But you know, I've been working a lot on, on self-development and I'm like, Hmm, maybe this is something that I could actually get into.
Maybe. Maybe this is a sign. You know, I don't know if you've ever heard of the red car theory. But there's this theory where if you ask someone, how many red cars have you seen today? Probably, they're probably gonna say, I don't know. Right? But when you are looking for a red car, imagine how many red cars you're gonna see.
Or even like when you're shopping for a car, and let's say that you have a couple, a couple models in mind. You start seeing them everywhere, right? Your subconscious is, is looking for them now because you already put that image in your mind. So now you're just constantly picking them up everywhere.
So I say that because when you, when you start to change your mindset about things and start to see what's what's actually possible for you, you see opportunities [00:15:00] everywhere. So I see this opportunity and I'm like, let me just click on it. Let me just see what this is about, it's basically where people who , have been late on their taxes you pay off their property taxes, and they have a certain amount of time to pay you back, and during that time, you earn interest.
Which is why it's called property tax investing, and if they miss their deadline, you have the option of purchasing that property for what you paid for the property taxes. First I took a course, then I was super interested in it.
I hired a coach. I actually started buying some tax deeds and I, I was earning some interest on them. The thing is, is when. Yeah, you actually start getting into something and you realize what's all involved. That's when you can really make a decision on whether or not it's for you or not. And initially I thought it was, for me, I was really into property.
I loved market analysis and I loved going on Redfin and Zillow and doing all of that. But the more I got into it, I felt , this is where I'm going into the [00:16:00] emotions. I felt super isolated. I felt like. I super alone, like I was all by myself doing all this research. I would lock myself in my room for hours while my husband and the boys were, you know, hanging out or having fun or whatever, and I'm like, this isn't, this isn't what I thought success would look like.
This isn't what I thought happiness or freedom would look like. And if I am, I'm unhappy at a job because I don't have. That joy or that freedom or that alignment that I'm looking for. Well, I don't have that here, what I'm doing anyway, so I paid attention to that. I didn't, you know, a lot of people say, oh, never give up or don't quit.
I, I have been a professional quitter. I know when something isn't right for me, I think that has helped me. , I don't like to waste a lot of time on something that I don't enjoy. Now this I, I do enjoy. And it poses its own challenges. And I'm not saying just [00:17:00] give up on everything that you, that you try, but give up on things that you don't like, that aren't in alignment with you. What is the point of spending time on something that truly isn't meant for you or that you don't truly care about? That's when I think it's okay to give up. And when you use your emotions as kind of that, that guiding system that, okay, this feels really good. Yes, it might be challenging at times, but for the most part, this feels really good, or I'm excited to do it, or I can't wait to record that next episode, or I can't wait to plan this content.
If it's a job that you like. You know, you actually look forward to work or you look forward to that project. I remember one of my previous bosses was like, oh, I know you project managers. When you get that new project, like you're so excited to get started on it. I'm like, Hmm. I, I wasn't, I wasn't super excited.
It wasn't anything I cared about enough to get me [00:18:00] excited. Now, this helping someone else potentially live their dream life and connect with their higher self and really get on the path of abundance and freedom and passion and purpose, like that's a project that I would get excited about.
So think about it. If you get invited to, , a new opportunity and you get those butterflies and you're, you're excited and you're energized, that's what keeps you going. That's what you pay attention to. You focus on that and, and let's say you're like me, and you start that thing, and as you get into it, you're like, hmm.
This isn't really what I thought it was. And you start feeling that anxiety or that frustration or that emptiness, pay attention to that too, and course correct. You can try many things. So I tried that tax investing. I realized that that wasn't for me, and I, I moved on. Then I got into something else. You know, I've been [00:19:00] trying different things for many years now.
I actually started, I started a social media. I literally did not know what I was doing. I was just recording videos on my Instagram account. Just I more funny videos than anything for the most part. Some were inspirational, but a lot of 'em were just like trendy stuff or . Trending audio, something that I could match with a audio or like a trending dance.
But I, again, I, I didn't really have any purpose. It was like I, I was just throwing shit at the wall to see what stuck. Right.
And through all of my personal development work, that's what gave me that download to help my husband with his music career. And that gave me so much purpose, and that just lit me up. And I knew that that was the path that I needed to follow. And over time, I'm, I'm still helping him, but that's not my primary focus anymore because over time I realized my purpose and happiness can't just be [00:20:00] put into one other person. You know, I wanted to expand. If I can help him, how many other people can I help? And that got me even more energized and got me thinking even bigger. Well, how could I reach more people? Hmm. Well, I could reach out to family and friends or we have this thing called the internet and I could actually reach who knows how many people, and that's super exciting to me.
So, where in your life are you experiencing a pattern of emotion? now if it's good emotions, that's great. Keep on that track. Don't deter from that if it's those negative emotions. If you're constantly feeling like strife if you're in a relationship. I know My son had a relationship and they were having some issues, I remember my advice to him was always pay attention to how you're feeling right now.
Because he'd be in a really good mood and he'd be talkative and playful and engaging with us. And then by the time he would get home from her house, [00:21:00] he would be just drained.
Pay attention. To how you're feeling about something, whether it's your job or your relationship, or a decision that you have to make. How are you feeling about it? Are you excited about it? Are you at peace with it? Are you really struggling? Are you anxious? Are you frustrated? Is it making you mad?
Are you constantly in turmoil? If it's constantly negative and it's just sucking your energy and draining your soul, then it's probably time to back off. put some distance between you , and that thing. Now, the thing is, if it's work and that's not something you can just up and leave, well think about it.
Is it actually the job itself? That you're not happy with? Is it the, the work that you're doing? Is it someone that you work with that is draining you, that you feel is maybe super toxic, or at least your energy together is super toxic? What could you change? What is within your power to [00:22:00] change? Finding a new job may not necessarily be the answer, especially if you're someone like me who after several jobs, you're still feeling the same way.
Are you meant for something different? Maybe it's not a nine to five. Maybe you think of starting your own business, or maybe it's a completely different industry, but pay attention to that. See what patterns are, are showing up in your life. Are you in a relationship that, you know, you're constantly in turmoil, you're constantly having the same argument over and over and over and over again.
What in your relationship could you potentially change?
Maybe the answer isn't necessarily leaving, but maybe this turmoil or maybe these arguments are. Here to teach you something and what can you learn from it, and how can you improve your relationship by what you're actually going through. You know, these patterns aren't just showing up for no reason.
They're trying to guide you to where you're meant to be.
Emotions are energy in motion. So if you [00:23:00] suppress 'em, you're, you're blocking that GPS signal. You're not going to receive the guidance that you're meant to receive. So, when you actually listen to them, you get clarity. You are more tuned in to what you're supposed to do. And you're, you naturally fall into more alignment.
You find more happiness, you find more freedom, you find more joy, you find more purpose.
And when you start doing this, you stop second guessing yourself and you start trusting yourself.
And what's most important is when you start listening to your inner guidance, you feel more connected, you feel more purposeful, and you know that that inner compass or your higher self. Is finally being heard.
The first thing is just having awareness. You know, pay attention to what is actually triggering your emotions. They don't necessarily have to be good or bad, just look at them as signals and which direction that I should take.
And then [00:24:00] ask yourself, what is this feeling trying to tell me? Is it negative emotions? Am I not in alignment with what I'm supposed to be doing? do I need to grow somewhere, you know, positive emotions. You're, you're feeling aligned. You're feeling like there's expansion, there's opportunity. You're excited, you know, that's your higher self saying, come here, follow me.
And then also you have to regulate them. , Like I said, energy in motion. That's what emotions are. Don't bottle them up. That's just, that's gonna fester and it's gonna come out in a way that is not pleasant. Move your body, find ways to regulate your nervous system. Go on a walk journal.
But you have to, keep that energy moving and you have to process it and get it out.
Treat your emotions like the warmer, colder game, good emotions. I am on the right path. I should follow this, this direction. Negative emotions. I'm getting colder. I'm [00:25:00] moving away. I need to figure it out. I need to get back on track.
Your emotions are not your enemy. They're your compass. ,
When you listen, they'll always lead you back to alignment. They'll always lead you to your higher purpose and what is the best path for you?
So
take a moment this week and tune into your emotions as if they were your internal GPS and pay attention to them as though they're actually giving you signals on what turn to.
Take inventory. What is an area of your life that your inner compass, your internal GPS, has been trying to guide you? Where's an area of your life that you have seen patterns of this repeated negative emotion and you've just ignored?
Are you listening to them or are you ignoring them?
And another thing is that . When people tend to ignore their emotions or suppress 'em or distract themselves or even numb them, they don't go away. So let's say you had, another bad day at work. [00:26:00] Let's say you've had every day this week, you've been super stressed out. You don't know what to do, , you're dreading it every day.
So maybe you come home and drink. Or maybe you go out and drink, what happens after that? Nothing. Nothing changes. You're literally just numbing yourself just to come back to the same reality. But if you actually paid attention to what your emotions were trying to tell you and, and took that as. Positive.
This is actually really, I mean, technically it's negative feedback 'cause it's negative emotions, but it's also positive feedback because it's telling you that this isn't meant for you. You need to make a change and numbing yourself or distracting yourself from it. Or coming home and just scrolling for hours and acting like it's just gonna go away.
Or maybe you're watching Netflix, you come home, you sit on the couch and watch Netflix for hours. That's not gonna change anything. You're just mentally escaping. That doesn't mean that you're gonna feel any better tomorrow. Or [00:27:00] maybe let's say it's a, a relationship and rather than dealing with it, rather than coming home to another fight or whatnot, maybe, maybe you work a lot, maybe you work all the time.
Maybe you've become a workaholic or maybe you start traveling for work all the time just to. Avoid what you're actually dealing with at home. Whereas if you actually paid attention to the emotion and dealt with it, then you can make the necessary changes that you need to because by being gone or working more or distracting yourself from those negative emotions that you're facing, that's also not changing anything.
It's not gonna get any better.
Well, if any of this resonated with you, please leave me a comment. Drop me a dm, let me know what hit home for you, what you'd like to expand on further, what questions you have. I'd love to interact with you .
Thanks for tuning in. Hope to see you next week.
