Episode 11 - How To Be A Successful Quitter (and Stop Forcing What Isn't Meant for You)
[00:00:00]
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Starlit Success Podcast. I am your host Jessica Gaines, and you might've been wondering when you looked at this episode title, what the hell is she talking about? There's no such thing as a successful quitter. You can't be successful if you quit, right?
That's what a lot of us have been conditioned to believe, but I beg to differ. What do you think of. When you think of a quitter, I know I had my own, my own ideas of what that meant. So I'm like, I'm gonna ask my kid, I'm gonna ask my 12-year-old what comes to mind? Like what? What do you think of when I say he's a quitter or she's a quitter?
what is the first thought that comes to you? And his answer was, he's a baby. And I was like, yeah. I guess like when you think of a quitter, you tend to think they're weak or [00:01:00] they're lazy, or maybe they're not determined.
We've always been taught not to be a quitter.
Quitting tends to have like this negative connotation attached to a, this negative vibe attached to it. I think a lot of us tend to think that if someone is a quitter, it means that they gave up or they failed. It could mean a lot of things, but usually it's something negative.
But I have a completely different perspective on quitting now that I've learned a lot over the years.
I, I fell into these traps years ago, but I'm like, no, I have a whole, I have a whole different perspective on this now. You know, I used to associate myself with that character flaw with quitting a bunch of things. But now, you know, I think what if quitting was actually just proof that you have absolute clarity.
What if it means that you're listening to yourself, that you know yourself better than anyone else does, and you know that whatever this thing is that [00:02:00] you're contemplating quitting, you know it's not for you.
To me, quitting something means you are not going to continue doing things or following through with things that are not true to you, that you're not in alignment with, that don't support your goals, don't support your values, or whatever it is, is important to you.
As I've mentioned before, you know yourself better than anyone else, so you're going to know whether or not something is meant for you.
and what I've observed firsthand is when you know what you don't want, when you're clear on what you don't want, all that does is it moves you closer to what you want.
And think about it this way,
what if as soon as you stopped forcing all of the things that aren't meant for you, that is exactly when things start to align for you. when you start to get clear on this thing doesn't feel good, this thing doesn't feel right, this isn't aligned with me. I hate it, I dread it. Whatever it is, whatever that feeling is, the more you start to pay attention to [00:03:00] it and honor that, the quicker you move closer to the things that you do want.
So today I wanna talk about why it's not only okay to quit, it could be one of the best decisions you actually make. Or maybe it's one of many decisions you make. Maybe you quit multiple things
this might be a decision that you have to make more than once. This isn't just like a one and done thing, you know, typically throughout your life there are multiple situations that you're in where you have to decide whether you're gonna move forward with it or not.
Like, is this worth continuing?
Is this worth my time, my energy, my attention, my resources? Whatever it is, you're gonna have to decide if it's worth going through with it
so it might not just be this one thing that you're making a decision on. This is something that you'll have to consider throughout your life. So I want you to consider me. I'm gonna be your quitting cheerleader. I am here to say, you know what? Quit that thing. Move on. It's not working out. It's not worth your [00:04:00] time or your energy.
Just keep it moving.
And I've wondered like. Why does quitting have to be such a bad thing? Why do when we think about quitting something that it's immediately like this negative thought? And I believe it's because most children are conditioned to believe that quitting is a bad thing. were taught quitting means maybe you can't handle the pressure, or maybe you're not strong enough, or you're not determined enough.
Maybe we make the assumption that if you quit something or someone quit something that they, they just weren't committed.
But I also feel like quitting sounds like it's like this abrupt ending. when we would play Monopoly as a family when I was young and my brother always cheated. I know you cheated. If you're listening to this, you were cheating.
And I would get so mad, like, I just wanna quit. Like I'm done. Like I, it's like an abrupt ending. You didn't finish the game because Dude's cheating. There's no chance of me winning. I'm done. I'm outta here.
And it sounds bad because we're always taught to [00:05:00] finish whatever it is you start. But in my mind when I talk about quitting, I'm not necessarily saying like, just end whatever it is immediately. Like the first second that you feel like something has off, just quit it. I'm not saying that quitting to me feels like you just don't pursue something that you know that isn't meant for you.
You decide not to continue with it. Maybe if it's like a, like a lesson or something, maybe you finish the lesson. Maybe you finish whatever it is you started for that short term period. Maybe you complete that, but maybe you just don't move on with it. And there are some things that you might have to quit like abruptly.
You just have to cut it off because it's not meant for you. So there's like this gray area, there's like this fine line and it all depends and we'll get into that in a little bit. how you can decide whether or not it's worth quitting.
And I used to think that too. I used to think like, if you start something, you need to finish it. Because when I was a kid and I wanted to quit something, my [00:06:00] mom was always in full support of me. She was like, you don't wanna do it anymore, you can quit. But I've had mixed feelings on this as an adult.
Like sometimes I'm like, why did you just let me quit everything without finishing it? But then sometimes I'm like, no, I'm glad she did that because we didn't waste anyone's time. I knew it wasn't for me and she trusted my judgment. And of course that I know myself the best
so why continue? But from what I've observed, a lot of people tend to think that they need to finish what they start, because there's this, this belief that there's this sunk cost. And not just from like a financial perspective, but there's time involved, there's money, there's energy, there's resources, whatever it is that you put into this thing.
People believe that. It's like, well, if I already spent all this time or all this money, we have to finish it now because otherwise we're just gonna lose everything that we already put into it.
I don't believe that anymore. I believe that, there [00:07:00] are some things that you should just stick through, but it depends on what it is. It depends on how that aligns for you. But if you're just saying, oh, I spent some time and money on it and I don't wanna waste it, but I hate this thing, then it's probably time to just be done.
I am gonna use a couple kind of minor examples, but they're kind of funny.
Okay, where are my Costco shoppers at? How many times have you bought something from Costco because you thought you were gonna like it, or maybe you thought you would eat it all, or whatever it is. So I bought this giant bag of pickle chips because I love pickles and I love chips, and I actually make a really amazing pickle dip.
So I bought this bag of pickle chips thinking they were gonna be so good, right? I don't know how much it was, but it was like a decent sized bag. And I bring it home and I open it. I'm trying 'em, and I'm like, Ew. I like really don't like these.
So I'm like, I'm just gonna keep 'em because maybe someone else will like 'em. Or maybe I'll use 'em for something else. Right? So I have 'em, and then I have my son try them. He doesn't like [00:08:00] them, and they just end up sitting in my pantry. I'm, I'm about to toss them now, now that I'm saying this out loud, they're still in my pantry.
I'm like, why am I holding onto them? Because you know what I wanna, I don't wanna feel like I wasted it, but what if I was like, I don't wanna feel like I wasted my money, so I'm gonna just eat 'em anyway. I'm just gonna choke them down, even though maybe they make me gag. Why would I do that? Why would I torture myself?
Okay, just chalk it up. Whatever I spent on it, just be done. It's not gonna bring you any joy. It's not gonna help you in any way. Just throw 'em out
Or it's like buying a pair of shoes. Let's say you buy a pair of shoes online and there's super trendy and you thought you were gonna love them. They arrive and they're. Way too small for you, but maybe you spent a decent amount of money, but there's no way that you can return them now.
Whatever, whatever website you went on to return them, they have some ridiculous return policy, or they're gonna charge you an arm and a leg to return 'em, and you're like, [00:09:00] it's just not worth my time or my energy. So you keep them and you're like, I'm gonna still wear them because I love them and I wanna look really cool to everyone else because me wearing these shoes is gonna give me some kind of like status symbol or whatever it is.
So you keep wearing them because you already spent the money. You don't wanna return 'em, you don't wanna waste it, but you get blisters. So now you're wearing these shoes, you're getting blisters. Now you're limping because the blisters are ridiculous. Now it hurts to walk and now it hurts so much to walk that maybe you just stop walking or maybe you, you're walking, but you are miserable.
Like why? Just. Give 'em away or sell 'em to someone else, just be done with them already. That is what it looks like if you continue with something that is not meant for you, that you know you should quit,
but you don't
stop torching yourself. Just be done.
But we tend to think, if we quit something, that there's something wrong with us. Like we are not good [00:10:00] enough, but. Really all that is, is it's just feedback or redirection.
Maybe we start labeling ourselves. Maybe we start telling ourselves, you know, we don't ever follow through with anything. I never follow through with anything. I personally thought I was flawed, like I quit so many things that I started to think like
Maybe I'm just not cut out to finish things that I start. Maybe that's just not who I am. But I think a lot of the times we think that we have to continue with something, or we think that we have to finish something for someone else's gain
but oftentimes we're trying to prove our sense of worth or like some sense of accomplishment outside of ourselves. It could also be internally. It could be for our own self. It could be for our ego, which isn't always the best way to go about things. But sometimes we're just afraid of how we'll look if we give up on something, like we don't wanna look bad, we don't wanna look like a quitter.
We care about our reputation. We don't wanna be judged, we don't [00:11:00] wanna disappoint others, and we don't wanna disappoint ourself, so you don't want to be associated with that quitter label. You don't wanna identify with that.
Or maybe you don't wanna quit something because it's too scary, maybe whatever it is that you're considering quitting, the thought of quitting it and doing something different is way too far out of your comfort zone. Like the pain that you're feeling right now is at least familiar and you know what you're getting.
So you rather just stay, not quit because you don't know what that would look like after.
And oftentimes from what I've observed with myself and with other people. Maybe you're afraid to trust yourself. Maybe you're making this decision out of fear. it's not always a good idea to make decisions out of fear because that is one of the lowest vibrations that you can be in.
And oftentimes when you make decisions out of fear, that has a tendency to lead to negative outcomes. Really, you have to trust [00:12:00] yourself, and you can't anticipate the worst all the time when making these decisions.
Think about what if it works out better than I expected? What if when I quit this thing, it leads me to a better, more prosperous path? What if when I quit this thing, everything starts to fall into place rather than if I quit this thing, everything's gonna fall apart? think about the positives that could happen if you quit this thing, because you have to make space for whatever it is that you want to call in.
If you keep this thing that you're not quitting around, then you're not leaving room for something better to come in.
So we tend to force things or push through when we know we're out of alignment, no matter how hard it is. So you're, you're suffering eating that nasty Costco food or you're, you're limping around in these shoes that are way too small with blisters on [00:13:00] your feet for whatever reason, no matter how much you hate it, no matter how much it affects your mental or physical health, our stress levels, whatever it is, no matter how painful or out of balance you are.
You continue with this thing because you don't wanna be a quitter. You don't wanna have that stigma associated.
But what have I said about ignoring those negative emotions? you're feeling this way. You're feeling like you wanna quit something because it's not where you're supposed to be. Because if it was where you were supposed to be, it would feel comfortable. The universe makes you uncomfortable in situations when it wants you to move.
You're not gonna move from something. If it's super comfortable, you're never gonna leave. So it's like, no, I'm gonna make you as uncomfortable as possible, so you get the hell out of there. So listen to that now. If your GPS sees that you're on the wrong path and it's trying to [00:14:00] reroute you, right? The GPS is like, no, this road is closed.
Don't go over here. So that's your, your negative emotion.
So this goes back to ignoring those negative emotions, ignoring your internal GPS when it's trying to tell you that you're on the wrong path. So you have all of these negative feelings about whatever this thing is that you are considering quitting. The GPS is like road closed.
That's your negative emotion. Like turn around, go a different way. But you're like, no, I'm gonna plow through anyway. Even though the GPS is rerouting me, it's telling me this road is closed. Nope. I'm gonna just keep going. I'm gonna just ignore it. I'm gonna just, because I don't wanna be a quitter. I wanna just keep going.
So now you're on this road that's full of boulders and potholes and whatever else, and you're ruining your car and you're like, what the hell am I doing? Why did I go this way? Why did I ignore my GPS? It knew where to go, and I'm just like, no, I know better because I don't wanna be a quitter.
It's said to [00:15:00] take this route. I gotta take this route.
When you could have just listened to your GPS. And took a different way. It's not saying give up on the destination. It's saying this is not the way you can still get there, but this isn't the road that you can take. You just gotta find a different road.
And I am not saying just quit everything. That's hard. That is not what I'm saying because sticking with something and persevering is super powerful. What I am saying is stick with things and push through with things that you feel in alignment with.
Because if you stick with the wrong things, and when I say wrong, this is gonna be something that you have to determine. You know, no one else can really tell you whether or not it's right or wrong for you. That's something that you just have to feel. That's where your intuition really plays a part. But if you're sticking with the wrong things and deep [00:16:00] down, you know it's the wrong thing, that is where it's toxic.
when you're not in alignment with something, and when I say, you know, deep down, . You know, maybe you've lost interest in it. Maybe it's something that just completely goes against your values. I'm not saying quit something just because it's hard, because what I am doing here, there's a lot of challenges that I faced in doing this.
As you can see, I'm still holding up this tiny little mic because it's easier. I'm not gonna lie. It's easier. Like I can plug it into my phone, I can just hold it and it's, it's just easier. I am not giving up because I ran into so many audio technical issues and I decided that that is a future me problem.
Like, I'm not gonna ignore it. I'm gonna invest in another better mic and I'm gonna figure out this whole software thing, but I'm not quitting. Like when I ran into all of those technical issues, I wasn't in a place where I was like, this isn't for me Now, if I wasn't doing this for the right things, if it wasn't truly in [00:17:00] alignment with what I wanted or who I am, then maybe the audio issues would've put me on a different path. Maybe that would've been my sign to be like, you know what? This isn't for me. I'm not cut out for this, but I'm like, you know what?
No, I love this. That's not gonna stop me. I'm gonna keep going because it's in alignment with who I am, what I wanna accomplish, what my values are. Everything else is in alignment. This is just a challenge that I have to get through.
But you might continue with something because you don't wanna feel, like I said earlier, you don't wanna feel like you wasted your time. You don't wanna feel like you wasted your energy, your money, whatever it is. But I am going to tell you, you are going to waste so much more time and energy if you don't give up on that thing.
Because if you finish it, let's say you finish it, or maybe let's say you continue on with it, , that feeling is not going to go away. It's going to keep coming up again and again, as [00:18:00] long as that thing is not in alignment with you.
It is going to catch up with you eventually.
Or maybe you don't wanna quit because you wanna have something to show for it. You don't wanna feel like I just did nothing. I got nothing from it. But maybe you don't even really care about it. Maybe you wanna have something to show for it for someone else, but you deep down, don't truly care about it, because if you did, you wouldn't even consider quitting in the first place.
Let's say you go to school to become a lawyer and you think you're gonna love it. Maybe you thought that being a lawyer was the way to go, that that was gonna be the, the most aligned path for you. So you go to school and let's say maybe you're two years in and you realize like, this is not for me.
Like I hate this, but you're like, I've already spent however many thousands of dollars. I've already spent two years of my life doing this. I've already acquired all of these credits to [00:19:00] pursue this degree. But you're like, I hate it. You have no sense of joy, you have no sense of purpose. You don't want to do this anymore.
You know deep down that this isn't the path for you, but maybe you just wanna prove to yourself that you can finish it, or you just wanna prove to your parents that you can finish it so you keep pursuing it. And let's say you finish, let's say you get your degree and you become a lawyer, and now you hate it.
And now you were worried about wasting those couple years of money or time. Now you've wasted maybe six years of your money and of your time. Maybe now your student loan debt is through the roof and you're still not happy. But if you would've just listened to yourself years ago, you would've saved all those additional years of time and tuition.
But you decided to just push through anyway, just to say that you had something to show for it or [00:20:00] just to prove to yourself or everyone else that you could finish it, but it didn't do what you thought it was gonna do for you. Because deep down it wasn't aligned.
Do you know much time and money and energy I have wasted. And if you can't see me, if you're just listening to this, I'm doing air quotes because people use this term wasted as though they lost something. Now I could sit here and say, do you know how much I've wasted over the years? I'll get into it in a little bit, but I have quit so many things that I have spent a lot of time, money, and energy on, but I don't consider them a waste because I learned something from every single one of those experiences and now I look at them as life's tuition.
That is the tuition that I paid to learn more about what I want out of life.
And in each thing that I quit, there was a different lesson in it and it redirected [00:21:00] me into a different area and it got me closer and closer to where I am now. So no, they weren't a waste. They're exactly what I needed to find who I am.
And if you don't believe me, look it up. Highly successful people quit things all the time because they quit the wrong paths to get them closer to the right ones quicker.
But like I said, you just have to know that something is not in alignment with you, that something is just not for you. You have to feel it. In your gut, but you also have to trust yourself.
You have to know deep down that whatever it is that you want is more than what you're settling for and wherever you are is not gonna get you there any quicker.
There's a quote from Steve Jobs that I love, and it says, the only way to do great work is to love what you do.
If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't [00:22:00] settle. So. What I'm hearing is keep quitting. Don't settle. When he says, keep looking, it's like, well, in order to keep looking, you probably have to stop doing something that you know isn't for you and start doing something different. So that's what I'm hearing.
Don't just keep quitting stuff. Keep quitting. What is not meant for you. Oprah Winfrey was a news anchor, but she quit that because she knew it wasn't aligned with her passion. She knew she wanted more connection with people, and she loved like this art of storytelling, and she knew she couldn't do that being a news anchor.
So that is the step that she needed to find her true purpose.
If she would've ignored that feeling and just continued to be a news anchor. I highly doubt that she would be where she is today, I can relate so much. I quit so many things you guys. I quit, gosh, even as a kid. Ask my mom. I asked her, I'm like, should have had her make a [00:23:00] list of all the things that I quit because for a while I thought there was something wrong with me.
I was in, I have a list actually here, I'm gonna look at this. So I was in ballet, karate, volleyball, girl scouts.
I quit and I know there was a few people that thought I was nuts. I quit a job of almost nine years when my husband at the time was not working. This was during, this was like a year after the recession.
So he lost his job when I was almost nine months pregnant in 2008. That was a scary time. So he still wasn't working by the time I had our son and still wasn't working a year later. So we have a 1-year-old at home and I'm working this job and I was miserable. Did I over pronunciate that enough?
Miserable. I don't even know if that has that many syllables, but I made it that way because that's how, that's how terrible it was. I dreaded. Dreaded. Is that a [00:24:00] word I dreaded every day going into work? I don't wish that feeling on anyone. Nobody wants to feel that way. I probably mentioned that before because I'm super passionate about that.
If you have something that is just killing you inside, leave it alone. That is not. Good for you in any way, shape or form. And I am not telling you to just quit a job when your husband is unemployed and you have a baby at home. Okay? I'm not saying that I did it, but I know myself and I knew I would figure it out.
I already had some side gigs lined up. I had somewhat of a safety net. I knew that I wasn't just gonna be living on the street, but I knew that continuing that job was not gonna be good for myself, for my mental health and.
It wouldn't have been good for anyone else in my life either. If I would've just continued that I would've probably been extremely angry or extremely depressed, and that would've just trickled through everything else in my life. So I was like, you know what? I'm [00:25:00] done. I will figure it out.
But I remember when I was considering doing this, , people would be like, oh my God, why would you do that?
Your husband isn't working and you have a new baby at home. Like, you're nuts. And then after I did it, people were like, holy shit, you actually did it. Are you insane? And I'm like, no, I can't. I refuse to live life in misery. I don't think anyone should do that. So if you have something that is eating you alive, I'm telling you now start planning, start thinking about what else it is that you can do
not saying just quit, but I'm saying maybe it's time to plan and exit.
But even after, even after my childhood, after I quit that job.
I have just been on this hunt for my calling, what seems like my whole life. I went to school for psychology.
I kept thinking that I had to go back to school to find my calling [00:26:00] because that's. What society has kind of programmed us with that, that if you go to school for something, that's the way to success. So I always thought that that was gonna be my answer, and I've always been a good student. So I always thought it was just going back to school for something different.
So I went to school for psychology. For radiology. For interior design. I, started to work on getting my realtor license. I got into early childcare. I started real estate investing. I think you heard my story already on that. I even tried to become social media influencer, which I'm not sure if that episode is out yet.
But yeah, if you go to my Instagram, if you go to my personal Instagram, I left those videos up because they're, they're funny, but they're also slightly embarrassing. But I want people to see, like, I tried so many things and I'm not embarrassed about that,
I was a professional quitter.
Like, how could I be such a good student graduate high school at 16 years old? But I can't [00:27:00] continue anything else. Like I can't stick with anything. I started to think that. is it 'cause I'm a Libra? I'm like, well, I know Libras are air signs. And air signs are really good at starting things, but not always finishing them.
So I'm like, is this my destiny? Am I just like not cut out to finish anything that I start? And I know my dad would make jokes kind of like, oh, how's, you know, whatever she's started, how's that going now? Or, how's the real estate thing going? Or how's the whatever? The new thing that I was starting, he would kinda like make little side comments to my mom and thanks mom for always believing in me.
Because she was always like, no, she knows what's best for her and she wants to try this new thing and that we should support her. And she was always what I wanna be to you. I'm your quitting cheerleader. She was always my quitting cheerleader. So thanks mom.
But you know what? I realize now, it took a long time, but I've realized now that while I quit so many [00:28:00] things, I never gave up on pursuing a destiny that was meant for me. I never once just gave in to society's expectation of punching a clock every day. And I'm not saying I don't punch a clock every day, but I know now deep down in my bones that that is not all I am meant for.
I was put on this earth to spread these messages to help inspire you and anyone that's willing to listen that you are made for so much more than that.
And another thing I learned through quitting all of these things is that. I never stopped learning. I never gave up on learning. I wasn't gonna ignore this feeling anymore and I was gonna find my purpose or die trying.
Right. So for the last four years. I've been all in on this. I've been in so many different courses to just to learn, to expand my [00:29:00] mind, to understand myself better. I've read dozens of books. I've listened to probably hundreds of podcasts at this point. I jumped down daily rabbit holes because I'm just like this naturally curious person.
I would call myself a student of life because I was always taking in information and I still continue to take in information but I would always joke about like, I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up, even though I'm grown up. But I never gave up on that.
I never gave up on learning. I never gave up on searching. And still to this day, even though I finally found it, I don't ever stop learning. I never stop growing. I'm not going to quit this path.
And what I've realized through all this is while I have quit many paths, I never gave up on the destination. And I realized people don't quit what they love, they quit what isn't for them.
Because if you [00:30:00] love something, even when it gets hard, you're still gonna push through.
So I am here to remind you that quitting is not a weakness. It is not a flaw. There's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't mean that you didn't care enough. It doesn't mean that you weren't strong enough. It doesn't mean any of those things. What I believe quitting actually means is that you are strong enough and you care enough to focus on what is actually true for you,
because it can take a lot of courage to quit something like when you know that you're gonna get judged for quitting something, or you know that you're not gonna feel the greatest about yourself after quitting something. Or maybe you're taking a risk by quitting something that. Is not for everyone. Not every, a lot of people just wanna play it safe.
So to quit something means that you have to trust yourself enough and be strong enough to know that this isn't for you. And I don't want you to confuse quitting with failure. These [00:31:00] are two different things to me. You only fail if you keep pursuing a path that's not meant for you, or you quit something that you actually love.
That is when you fail. So if doing something that you absolutely love and it gets hard, and then you quit, okay, well now you, now you failed because you just gave up. Even though you know you love it.
It is like my husband with his music, he's been doing music for 20 years. He never gave up on that. Why would he give up on that? He loves it. It brings him joy. It brings him a sense of peace. It makes him feel good about himself.
But you shouldn't pursue something that you really don't love. Or maybe you don't care enough about it. Maybe it conflicts with your values. But usually when you're considering quitting something or you don't wanna follow through with something, it's because something feels off. I love talking about. How you can improve your life, how to achieve your [00:32:00] goals, how to go after your purpose. I, I'm like completely obsessed with this stuff, but the tech side of things can be complicated,
even just like getting on video. and like talking on a camera, like I'm looking at myself right now. You guys, this is so weird. I'm staring at myself talking into a camera with an empty room. That's not easy to me. At least. It's not easy. Maybe it'll get easier eventually, but I know that.
What I'm doing has value and I want to help other people so badly like that. That is my why behind why I'm doing this, and that's bigger than any challenge that I'm gonna face.
So what is your why? whatever it is that you're doing, do you have a deeper why behind why you're doing it?
Not only do you need a really strong why, but it should also be fun. It should be challenging, and it should be rewarding. You know, when you have this balance of those key [00:33:00] ingredients, the chances of you quitting are going to be very, very slim.
So everything that I was attempting
none of them had fun, challenging, rewarding, and like this really deeper why. They might have had one of the ingredients or two of them, but it didn't have all of them. And now I'm realizing when you can combine all of those things, you are going to be unstoppable.
Your goal is to be in full alignment with who you are and what you wanna do. So it's that ultimate vacation destination.
I'm saying don't cancel the trip. But you may just have to rearrange your plans to get there, and you may have to quit certain paths along the way to make sure that you actually arrive at that destination.
And think about all the things that you have in your life that you know you would never quit on. my son, for example, I know he wouldn't quit basketball just because he had a really bad game, or just [00:34:00] because he had a really tough practice, because that's gonna happen. or if you play baseball, if you struck out one game are you're like, I'm done.
I'm over this. I'm not doing this ever again. You're not gonna quit things that you are obsessed with that you love. You're not gonna quit your family because you got in a fight. You're not gonna get rid of your dog because he pooped on the floor. Maybe I hope not. Please don't. But you are not gonna quit Things that matter to you.
But when you do quit things that aren't meant for you, it helps you get experienced on what you do and you don't like about something, . When I quit trying to pursue the whole social media influencer thing, I realized like, it was fun. Don't get me wrong. It was fun, you know, coming up with different video concepts and recording and editing. Like, I like all that stuff, but I realized like, what is what?
Like what is the goal here? what am I actually trying to do? I felt like there was no, there was no meaning in it. There was no purpose.
And I'm like, that's, that wasn't alignment with who I was. [00:35:00] there's tons of people out here that are social media influencers and that probably brings them so much joy. It just wasn't for me.
When I quit the real estate tax investing, you guys, I spent,
Thousands of dollars on a coach . I spent months, probably even close to a year on that course, and I realized over time that was not my definition of what I thought success would look like, like I was. Doing it for the wrong reasons. I thought that I was just doing it to work for myself and for money, but it wasn't fun and it didn't give me a sense of purpose.
So again, I was like missing those ingredients, right? I almost felt like a Goldilocks looking for the right fit. Like, oh, this bed is too hard, this bed is too soft. This porridge is too hot. This porridge is too cold. I couldn't find the perfect fit for me.
But that's why you need to quit so many things because you have to experiment. You're not gonna know unless you try a bunch of stuff.
And when you quit. It [00:36:00] moves you away from what you don't want so much quicker, and then it pushes you towards the next thing. And throughout the whole process it's redirecting you. So as I kept trying things, I learned, okay the real estate tax investing, I realized that was boring me to my core. Okay, now I know I need to do something fun.
So then I, I think it, it was actually right after that that I went to the social media influencer. So now I'm going from something that's completely boring to something super fun, but also now meaningless. So then after the social media influencer, I went to helping my husband with his music, and that was all of them.
It was fun, it was challenging, and it gave me meaning. And I'm like, oh my God. And then that, once I had that whole recipe down, now I'm like, I could do this for. More people, I've done it for my family. I've helped my husband with his music. I've helped my sons get their business off the ground.
I've helped my oldest get his mental health group off the ground. I [00:37:00] became obsessed with helping people fulfill their mission and find their purpose. And that led me here. But it took years of experimenting, years of quitting to figure that out.
So you're not behind. There's nothing wrong. You're on the right path. Just keep trying.
And then when you quit something, or when you stop pursuing something, you're clearing the space. For whatever is meant for you to come in, because as long as you're spending all of your time and your energy on whatever it is that isn't meant for you, you're not gonna have the capacity to bring something else in.
That is in better alignment. So if I were to continue to focus on the real estate tax investing, let's say I continued that even though I knew it was an alignment with me, I'm blocking what is, because I'm spending all of my time and energy and resources on something that isn't. so how am I gonna have any time to work on something that is meant for [00:38:00] me?
Like you have to get rid of that to allow something else to come in.
If you just stick with this one thing and you're just like fixated on it, you're not gonna have a chance to really experiment and learn all of the things that you like and the things that you don't like and the things you want more of, and the things you want less of.
But the key is knowing when to quit and this key be really tricky this is gonna be something very, very personal to you. I'm not giving you like a strict black or white instruction manual of this is when it is time to quit. Only. You are going to truly know that. And I want to emphasize that it's a feeling.
You might be conflicted in your head. But what I have experienced is it is in your body. It's like how you feel about something, even when it might seem like logically. It's not the best thing to do. Like for me, quitting a job with a unemployed husband and a [00:39:00] one-year-old baby at home on paper, that would be a really dumb decision, right?
Most people would think that that was crazy. But I just had this knowing that that is what I had to do and it all worked out.
So you have to know. some of the signs that I felt, and because I've quit so many things, I have a lot of experience in this area, is. You are not excited about whatever it is. So the real estate tax investing,. It was like, ugh. It felt like work. Like I really, I literally just created another job for myself.
Like, what was the point of this? Or you just don't love it, you know? Like I, I got to a point with like the whole social media videos, like, I don't really love doing it anymore. It kind of felt, again, it felt like a job, . Some of them were fun, but then it started to feel like work. It started to feel like, oh, I gotta come up with another concept and I gotta find matching audio.. It just became, it just became hard. Which leads me to the next one, which it started to feel, forced. That's a big one. Anytime something [00:40:00] feels forced or you have like this obligation to it, that's usually a sign, if something is meant for you, oftentimes you're gonna feel excited about it or even if you're not excited about it, But there are times where I will just catch myself planning episodes without even. Intentionally doing it.
Maybe I'm in my room and I'm like folding laundry or something. And if my laptop is up, I will catch myself just like walking over and I'll just sit down and I'll just start typing. Like, I'll just have an idea or a thought. And I just get going. And I wasn't even planning on doing it. But because I love it so much and I'm so passionate about it,
I don't even have to tell myself, okay, tonight , you're gonna sit down and you're gonna plan another episode. I literally never do that. The only time I have to schedule is to actually record because I need somewhat of a quiet house
And I have to know that my family isn't gonna need me for a couple hours, so that I just [00:41:00] have no distraction.
But when it comes to like episodes or ideas, that all just like flows through me.
I love. Researching all of this stuff. I love reading. I love learning new concepts and I love being able to share it with people who maybe are complete beginners and they've never been exposed to this type of content before. And I wanna make it as easy to digest as possible because I'm just like a normal person. I am a mom, a wife, I have a full-time job. I've got two kids. I've got a husband, I do chores.
I grew up in the Midwest.
I don't come from like a super spiritual background. I don't come from parents who are like really into self-development work or a family that was really into this stuff.
I just want people to know that no matter. What type of upbringing you had or the type of family that you come from These are all things that you can apply to your life, I didn't have any of this as a child. I'm learning it all on my own. So that's why I want [00:42:00] people to know that you can do all of these things because I can. If I can, you can.
Okay. I got off on a little bit of a tangent there. So, signs that it's time to quit, so not being excited, you don't love whatever it is. Maybe you're dreading it, you're feeling forced, you feel obligated to do it. It's just sucking the life out of you.
And maybe as a result of that, it's starting to impact your physical or your mental health. Maybe you're stressed, maybe you're not sleeping. Maybe it's starting to impact the way you interact with your family. It's starting to impact your relationships.
So if you have a job that is just draining your soul and you feel no sense of purpose whatsoever, you don't feel like you're valued you don't feel like you're providing value, maybe that's a sign. Or maybe it is not aligned with your values. So are you doing it just for money?
Just for recognition? Again, what is your why? What is that [00:43:00] deeper why of why you're actually pursuing this thing?
Maybe you're doing it for someone else. Think about it, like, if they weren't a factor, would you still pursue it? Maybe it is a lack of growth or a lack of purpose, or it's not bringing you any kind of fulfillment. Maybe you are facing a ton of roadblocks. Now, be careful with this one because I've experienced roadblocks but it didn't necessarily mean I needed to quit.
Maybe it's not changing again the destination, but maybe you just change your approach. It could just be the universe testing you to see is this truly what you want? Are you willing to overcome these obstacles in pursuit of this? Okay, if you're willing to, then no, that's probably not assigned to quit. Maybe your circumstances have changed. my son, he got injured.
Obviously he can't continue with basketball. His circumstances have changed. So instead he [00:44:00] started to focus more on his mental health group and his business. He is not necessarily quitting basketball, but he's not. Putting all of his time and energy into it right now, because that's not where his focus should be if he is injured.
Or maybe your priorities have shifted. That is a big one. That is when I quit many of my things is when I realized my priority isn't just to earn money off of this thing, or my priority isn't to just have fun with this thing. it was about something bigger.
Then I started to quit Those things that weren't in alignment with my values.
if there's one thing I want you to take from this episode, it's this quitting something. Doesn't make you a quitter. You don't have this new identity as a quitter just because you quit this one thing even if you quit multiple things. That doesn't make you a quitter.
It means you learn something about yourself.
Every path you took, even the ones that you didn't stay on, gave you some sense of clarity,
so don't think of yourself as [00:45:00] inconsistent. Think of yourself like you're refining.
Your goal shouldn't be to just stick with something, just to prove that you can. The goal is to build a life that you feel is truly yours.
So as I've mentioned many, many times, if something no longer fits, if it's draining you, if it's numbing you, , or if it's pulling you away from who you are truly meant to be, you don't need permission to let it go. You don't need my permission. You don't need someone else's permission.
You know, deep down it's not meant for you, then leave it alone. And quitting the wrong paths will always help you stay focused on the right one.
So this week I want you to ask yourself these questions. Does this energize me or does it drain me? Am I doing this because I love it or because I'm just afraid of quitting?
If no one else had any kind of opinion, would I still choose this? And then look back at some of the things that you've already quit. What did quitting that thing [00:46:00] teach me? What did I learn about that that I don't want? And how did it actually redirect me? So I hope this helped. I want you to know that.
you are not on the wrong path. You're exactly where you need to be. So if this resonated with you, if this is what you needed to hear, let me know what you took away from this, because I don't know many people that have quit as many things that I have. So if you're a professional quitter or a successful quitter like me, hit me up.
Leave me a comment, send me a dm. Tell me what you thought. I wanna know that I'm not alone. All right? Thanks guys. I'll see you on the next episode.
