Episode 12 (Final) - 5 Reasons Your Goals Keep Stalling (and What to Do Instead)
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Starlit Success Podcast. I am your host, Jessica Gaines. Have you ever had a great idea or you set a goal for yourself that you were super excited about in the beginning and over time you just kind of like end up losing steam?
Maybe you start procrastinating. you start to feel overwhelmed and you tell yourself maybe you don't have enough time, and then you just start to feel stuck and then maybe you just end up giving up. And honestly, most of the time it's not that you're not motivated, , you very likely still want that end result. It's really not that you don't have enough time, because we know we make time for things that really matter to us. It's about the way that you're going after your goals, that you're really sabotaging yourself.
There are five super common mistakes that most people make when creating goals or when going after their goals. And I, for myself, am guilty of all five. And these are the real reasons. You probably feel like you're spinning your [00:01:00] wheels, you're not getting any traction, and you're not seeing the results that you really want.
Reason number one, your goals are too vague. So the goal that you're setting for yourself is maybe, I wanna make more money, or I wanna grow my following, or I wanna work for myself.
When you have a goal that isn't very. Detailed or specific. It's hard to really know where to start. So if you're saying, I wanna make more money, what does that actually look like to you? is more money $10 a week more? Is it $50 a week? More? Is it $10,000 a month? More? What is more money? What is more money to you?
You have to define that. If you want to say, I wanna grow my following. Okay, what does that look like to you? Do you wanna gain 20 followers, a million followers, a thousand followers? How long are you giving yourself? Do [00:02:00] you wanna gain 10,000 followers in a month, in a year, in two years?
What is it that you're actually going for? When you're super vague on your goals and you're just giving like this loose idea of what it is that you wanna accomplish, they're not clear, they're not specific. There's no easy way to measure them., And because of that, they're not giving your subconscious mind a specific target to go after
because there's no clear direction.
That causes confusion, lack of motivation, and even quitting because you don't really know if you're making any progress.
If you're not clear on what it is you're really trying to accomplish, then you don't really know when you've done it.
And when you set a goal that's super vague, it makes it really difficult to take the necessary action because you're not really clear where to start hurt.
Think of it this way. If you tell yourself, I wanna go on vacation, and someone asks [00:03:00] you, okay, cool, where do you wanna go? And you're like, somewhere warm. Okay. There's a million places in the world that you can go to that's really warm. Well, somewhere with palm trees. Okay, well, let's see. You could go to Florida that's warm and has palm trees.
You could go to Jamaica, you could go to Fiji. You could go to Las Vegas. I mean, there's probably a million places you could go that have palm trees. And that's warm. You see where I'm going with this and that's just the, where we haven't even talked about how long do you wanna go, when do you wanna go, who do you wanna go with? All of these factors matter. When you're planning a vacation, if you don't know where you wanna go, you don't know when you wanna go, you don't know how long you wanna go for, you don't know who you wanna go with.
How are you gonna even take the necessary action to start planning? You have to get clear first. You have to have specifics. If you don't know where [00:04:00] you're going, you don't know what hotels to look for. You don't know what flights to look for. If you don't know how long you're going for, you don't know how much time to take off work, how to plan for like pets or house sitting if you don't know who to go with.
And obviously you don't even know who to ask or who to talk to about it. If you don't know when you don't, again, you don't know how to book the place how to. Book the ticket, what time to take off work? You really don't have any details to go after the vacation. You're not even clear. You don't even know what you wanna do yet.
You're just saying, I just wanna take a vacation. Okay, cool. That's great to wanna do something, but if you're not clear enough on how to do it, then it's not going to happen because you don't even have the necessary information to start planning for it. It's, it's way too fuzzy
now. If you were to say, I wanna go to Hawaii with my family for a week in June. Okay, cool. Now you got what you need. [00:05:00] So I'm going to Hawaii. Awesome. You can start looking at places there to narrow down your search. You have something to go off of to start planning. You're gonna take off for a week in June.
Now you can start looking at your work schedule. You can start talking to, house sitters or people that could watch your dog, or, Hey, what's your availability look like in June? you can start taking the necessary action to start planning for it, and if it's with your family, okay, cool.
Now we're talking to the family. We know we're going with them. know we wanna go for a week in June. Now we're gonna talk to everybody. Hey, is there a week in June that works best for you with school, with sports, with work, with friends, with whatever they have going on? You have enough information to where you can actually start.
So instead of saying, I wanna grow my following, say I want a thousand new followers by the middle of December by posting daily content.
When you're super clear on your goals, you're [00:06:00] giving your subconscious mind a GPS destination to go after. You're giving it a clear direction, and then it starts to work for you without you even being aware of it.
And when you do this, you'll stay motivated because you can track your progress. And when you're able to track your progress, then you can tell when you fall off track and where you need to make adjustments,
and you build momentum with every milestone. Think about just planning a vacation. I mean, everybody has been in this boat before. I hope you have been, I hope you've had an opportunity to plan a vacation. But it's fun. It's like when you start planning it and you, you nail down those core details to even get started and you know where you're going.
You know, an approximate time of when, and maybe for how long and who you're going with. Then you can book that hotel or book the flight, and then it starts to feel real because now you're actually making progress. you're taking the necessary steps to make it come to fruition. And then it's like, oh, you get even more excited.
So then you're building that momentum [00:07:00] even more, and then you're starting to gain. Maybe confidence isn't the right word for a vacation, but if it was a goal you were going after, you start to , gain confidence. Like, I can really do this. This is gonna happen. Look at all these things that I've accomplished along the way.
So if you're saying that you want to grow a thousand followers by December by posting content every day, well then you're able to actually determine whether or not you're making progress as you get closer to December. have you been posting content every day? Are you close to that thousand? Do you need to post more content?
Do you need to adjust anything?
Let's say you start posting that content every day, and you are gaining followers each day because you're staying committed to what you actually set the intention out for. Now, it starts to feel real and rewarding and not as confusing or unfulfilling when you just had that really vague goal to start with.
I am sure you've heard of the smart filter before, so make sure that you're using a smart [00:08:00] filter when you're creating your goals. So that is being specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound. You should also write it down. So write down specifically what your goal is with all of those filters on it. There's a science behind writing your goals down, so it actually triggers the reticular activating system in your brain.
This automatically shifts your attention and your awareness to what's truly important,
It acts like a spotlight. it starts to direct energy to whatever's necessary to achieve that goal. When you're writing it down, it strengthens your commitment and it helps you move that goal down to your subconscious. And like I said, that's when it starts to work when you're not even thinking about it.
So if your subconscious already has that target in your mind and you're training it and it's working for you, it's gonna be that much easier to achieve a goal
and then go a little bigger than you normally would. , Let's [00:09:00] say. The thousand followers was your goal. Maybe set it for 1200, maybe set it for 1500 because . maybe you run into some complications, maybe you run into some delays for whatever reason, then the chances of you hitting that thousand are a lot more likely if you set it just a little bit higher.
And then visualize that it's already happened. your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what's real and what's imagined. You know, think about any dreams that you've had. I mean, I dream all the time, like ridiculous. My dreams are so vivid and so detailed. Everyone tells me I should write 'em down, but I'm like, I wouldn't have the, I wouldn't have the time, or I, I shouldn't say I wouldn't have the time.
I don't wanna spend my time doing that. 'cause it would take me hours to write down all of the details that are in my dreams every night. But a problem that I run into is sometimes I don't know if something happened, if it was real, if I dreamed it because sometimes when you dream, you dream of things that are somewhat realistic or that could likely happen [00:10:00] in real life.
And that's happened to me so many times where I'm like, wait a minute, have I been there before? Or was that a dream? Or did this happen before? Or was that a dream? So when you visualize having already achieved it, you're so much more likely to go after it because you feel like it's already happened, like you feel like it's already happened, and then you're just taking the necessary steps to get there.
So just kind of picture that in your mind and what that looks like and how it feels as if it already exists.
Okay, so that was mistake number one. Your goals are way too bad. Mistake number two, you're setting too many goals at once. Again, I have been guilty of this, so in my husband's words, you're doing too much. All right. Just. One thing at a time. So let's say you're starting a business and you're doing five different things at the same time, you're overcomplicating things.
When you're chasing too many goals at the same time, you're spreading yourself way too thin. You only have so much time and energy, [00:11:00] and you're time and your energy then becomes scattered. They're all over the place. when you add too much to your plate, you start to feel confused and overwhelmed and frustrated, and probably a little discouraged.
You've probably heard of the phrase, if you chase two rabbits, you catch none. And think about it. It's like, it's so obvious. Like obviously if you have two rabbits, they're going two different directions.
How are you gonna catch 'em? Both. This one's going this way, this one's going that way. You have to focus on one rabbit to catch it the minute you shift your focus off that rabbit to the other rabbit. This one's out of there. Now what you got? No rabbits.
So this is a metaphor that I came up with. I don't know why. It just kind of appeared in my mind. Probably because we go camping a lot, we do fires in the backyard, but I like to start fires, organically,. I was a girl scout, so I pride myself on being able to start a fire with absolutely no lighter fluid, unlike my father and my brother if you're watching this.
So they love to just, [00:12:00] you know, put everything in the fire, like sticks, vlogs, and they just douse it with lighter fluid. Okay, that's totally, irrelevant to my point, but my point is, is when I build a fire, I take all the lint, like dryer lint, works really good, super flammable, which is kind of scary honestly.
Um, lint, small twigs, large twigs. Small logs, big logs, right? And you start it from the bottom up. So first you have to build it, and then you have to light it and you have to kind of, you have to watch it and you have to baby it. You have to maintain it, you have to give it oxygen, you gotta poke it, you gotta make sure it's going.
So when I think of setting too many goals at once, I think of building too many fires at once. So let's say you're at a campsite and you have, I don't know, 50 people. We go camping every summer with all of our friend group. It's so fun. Friends and family, I should say. 'cause a lot of our siblings come too.
But let's say you have a, a big group of people and you think you need five fires. So you [00:13:00] start building them all right? So you're building from the bottom up. We're gonna pretend we're Girl Scout building fires and not just dousing them with lighter fluid. So you go to build one, and let's say you start that one, got that one, and then you go to build the next one, and then you start that one, and then you go to build the next one, and you start that one.
By the time you get back around, I would probably guarantee you, because I've built enough fires, that that first and second one probably went out because your energy was scattered and you weren't giving it the attention that it needed. You weren't able to feed it, you weren't able to poke it to make sure it was getting oxygen.
You weren't there. You left and you moved off, and you went to the next one. So like I had mentioned, your energy is scattered. You're doing too many things at once,
and then let's say you go back to the first fire, and let's compare that to an actual real life goal. Sometimes you have to remember where you left off. You know, where, where did I leave this thing off? Where do I have to [00:14:00] pick back up?
Now, let's say I go back to that first fire. It went out. Now all of the lint is burned through and maybe all of the paper, maybe the, the twigs and the logs or whatever are still there, but the super flammable stuff is already burnt up. Now I have to go back and get more, so I have to go back, get more lint, get more paper.
So now I'm wasting time because I already did that. I already did that, and had I just put all of my attention on that one fire, I wouldn't have to do this again. But now I'm going back, getting more stuff, doing it all over again, and I'm just wasting energy. There was actually a study that was done that said you waste 23 minutes every time you shift your attention from one thing to another.
So let's say I am, I'm in the middle of this right now. Let's say I get distracted and I have to go help my my son with something or let my dog out or whatever, for me to come back and start this [00:15:00] process all over again. It's gonna take me 23 minutes to get back into the flow. To get back into the zone.
Now, think about that. If you were to do that multiple times a day, let's say instead of focusing on one goal, you have like four, so 23 minutes times 4, 24, 6 80. So 83 times four is 12. So now what is that? Like 92 ish minutes or so? That's like an hour and a half. So if you're doing like four different things a day, you're wasting an hour and a half just going back and forth between them and then multiply that by a week.
You're wasting hours and hours a week by doing too much.
Let's say it works. Let's say doing too much seems to be working for you in the sense as though you're actually making progress on those four different things at once. I don't know why I picked four, but is it really worth the extra time that you're spending and the extra stress? You know, what are you actually sacrificing to do all of these different things at once?
You know, [00:16:00] when you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. So if you're saying yes to four things, you're probably saying no to four things because you can't do two things at the exact same time.
And I personally, I don't know, but you, but if I had four different things going on, which I do, but not as it relates to goals, if you have four different things going on at once, then you're probably gonna feel kind of stressed out. You will probably miss some timelines. You're probably gonna have some really long days. You might lose some sleep. Maybe you'll neglect your health.
And you might miss out on time with friends and family too, because you're just spreading yourself way too thin.
And if you are doing multiple things at once as it relates to your goals, you're probably not completing each of them too. Your satisfaction, right? So, like I said, if your energy is super scattered all over the place, you're not giving a hundred percent to each of those goals if you're doing them all at once.
So something that I did before [00:17:00] I really got focused on this podcast is I wanted to help people with their mindset, with achieving their goals, with finding their purpose. And my initial thought was to create like some kind of a course. And I'm like, okay, what is it that I needed to get to where I am now?
And I started to create like this outline and all of the different content that I thought would be helpful to a person that is struggling with the same, just having the same struggles that I had. So I'm spending all of this time, coming up with an outline, coming up with topics, what do I wanna talk about?
after that I'm like, well, wait, how am I really gonna market this? Who is, who is my audience? I don't really have an audience. So here I am, I'm spending all this time trying to plan a course and content for an audience that I don't quite have yet. And I'm not saying that that's not possible. You certainly can do that with marketing and all that.
. I really wanted an audience that felt super authentic to me, and that [00:18:00] really could relate to me in my struggles that felt heard when they heard my message.
So then I'm like, okay, well I, maybe I just need to get my message out there. So I'll start posting, you know, on social media. And then I have the, the podcast idea. And then I'm like, okay, well if I get my message out there, how do I start building like a list? How do I capture who these people are? So then I'm like, okay, well, well, maybe I need to create like some kind of freebie, like some kind of like downloadable content that would give them some instant tools to help them right away.
And then at Exchange I could get their email address and then, build a list. And then, okay, now what do I need to offer? What should this freebie be? Okay, so now I'm, I'm going from course outline to freebie creation to content creation. I started to feel so overwhelmed and stressed out, and then what happens?
I [00:19:00] just get stuck. I just freeze. 'cause there's so much to do. And then it feels heavy and suffocating and it's not fun anymore. Now it starts to feel like work and I just had to sit back and I'm like, what is it that I'm, what am I trying to do here? What is most important to me? And I'm like, you know what?
It's just I need to get my message out there. I need to just start. Reaching out and touching people's lives and start resonating with 'em, that is what is going to move the needle forward. Right now, let me just focus on getting all of my message out there, my story, my struggles, my lessons I've learned. I want to learn what is most helpful, what is most valuable, and the way I can do that is just start getting it out there.
So what will move the needle forward right now for you? So instead of chasing, you know, like five half-ass [00:20:00] goals, focus on the one breakthrough goal that's just going to unlock the rest. So that, that one big domino that just knocks everything else down. So by you knocking down that major goal or that most important goal, it's gonna make the rest of those goals feel so much easier, or they might not even be necessary anymore.
So maybe instead of the five fires that I thought I needed to warm up the campsite to make it brighter. Maybe I just need one that is so big and so bright and so warm that the entire campsite can just circle around it. And that's actually what we do. Camping. We get a huge crate full of wood.
I'm not kidding. I don't know if you can see how tall it is. It's like, I don't know, four feet tall, four feet wide, something like that. My brother's like the fire master. We build a giant fire for our campsite. We [00:21:00] probably have at least, I don't know, 30 people. 30, 40 people.
And we just make a giant circle around us and it's super bright.. It's super big. It's super warm. We don't need five fires. The one's fine. It made all the rest of the fires unnecessary because that one, we give it all of our attention, all of our energy, and we maintain our focus on that one all night.
And I'm not saying that other goals are not important. I understand that you have to do multiple things. All I'm saying is only one thing can be the most important right now. And put all of your energy and attention on that thing. Think about a high power laser. The reason that a high power laser can actually cut through material is because it generates a beam of concentrated light through a focusing lens, right? So it's kind of similar to a magnifying glass. Now, a diffused light bulb can't do that. Why? Because [00:22:00] that energy in the diffused light bulb is spread out into all different directions.
It's scattered, so it doesn't achieve the intensity required to melt or vaporize or cut through material. So think of those words, a high power laser. Is concentrating, focus right through that focusing lens. And a diffused light bulb is scattered, right? One can cut through material, one cannot.
And when you have that one goal and you're only focusing on that one goal right now, you're gonna feel more calm. So once I realized, when I was just all over the place with all of the things that I wanted to do as it relates to getting my message out there, once I took a step back and realized, you know what?
Just get your content out there. Just start the podcast and the rest will come. I felt so much more calm and less stressed. It was so much easier for me to focus because I knew what I needed to do. It wasn't as [00:23:00] confusing because, you know, my energy wasn't scattered all over the place. It was so much clearer on the messaging that I wanted to get across then, and then it became more fun.
And then it was like, okay, well all I have to worry about is what topic do I wanna talk about this week? And then it was like, okay, now this is what I love to do. I love to do research and read and share things that I've learned that have changed my life. that made it so much easier to get started.
And once I get all of this messaging out there, I'm gonna see what resonates with people and what you want more of and maybe . What you want more clarification on what you'd like me to elaborate on?
Maybe things that I've missed, like I'm gonna learn all of that and then I can develop more. I can use this experience to help pave the way for everything else that I wanna create. So I'm focusing on my one fire and then I can use the flames. So once this fire is big and bright and warm, [00:24:00] I can use these flames to light the rest.
And now because my attention is focused on just one thing, if you're just focused on that one fire, the quality is gonna be so much better. You're gonna get faster momentum because your energy is in one spot, and you're gonna learn more effectively doing one thing at a time. The lessons are gonna be a lot clearer.
So if you've got multiple goals going on right now, find your domino. Find what action or what maybe smaller goal will make the biggest impact. What will move the needle today or this week? what will make everything else that you're doing a lot easier or maybe even unnecessary or maybe more seamless?
Revisit your goals. Circle the top three, and then commit to one that you're gonna focus on for the next 90 days, and then that will make the other goals easier.
Okay? So just pick one right now and that is your thing for the next [00:25:00] 90 days.
Okay, so we got number one, setting goals that are too vague. Number two, setting too many goals. Number three, biggest mistake is only focusing on the outcome without having a plan or a process. So maybe we're gonna say that you have a clear goal. So you have a smart goal, you've ran it through the smart filter, but you don't have any steps to actually reach it.
So if you have a specific goal, but you don't actually have a plan or a process, you're gonna set yourself up for disappointment and probably burnout.
Too many people fixate on the end result. So let's say you wanna lose 20 pounds, or you wanna make a hundred thousand dollars in your business, , or you want to write a book.
The problem is, is you're going to always then chase the end result without building the necessary steps. And not only are the steps and the process and the plan important, but the habits that you're gonna develop in order to create it. . If [00:26:00] you don't have these steps in place, it's gonna be a lot less likely that you will achieve this goal.
Your brain is gonna stay in like this wishful thinking mode, It's gonna think about the goal, but because there's no clear defined, actionable, measurable steps, it doesn't know what to do.
You need to have a plan. So if you have this specific goal, you have a smart goal, 90 day action plan, you need to start from the end. Start with where you want to be 90 days from now, and then work backwards. What are the daily repeatable actions that are gonna get you closer to your results?
So if you have a 90 day goal, what do you have to have done by day 60? By day 30? By day seven? And then just work it all the way back to what do you have to do today?
So what do you have to do now to make it to your seven day goal? Keep thinking that way, Just keep breaking it down smaller and smaller, [00:27:00] and it's gonna make it a lot easier to take action too, right? Even if your 90 day goal is larger, and that can be a little scary when you break it down to a daily action.
It's not gonna seem so scary.
There's a quote from a book called Atomic Habits, and it says, you don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems,
which is so true.
And then when you break the goal down into like these daily and weekly action steps, you're gonna form these productive habits, and it's gonna be a lot easier to maintain them later. You are gonna feel like you're making progress every day and then not just at the end.
Like when you break it all the way down, you're like, oh my God, okay, I made this goal for this week or today or for two weeks. And once you start hitting those smaller goals, you're gonna feel like this is actually achievable. You are gonna be less attached to the gratification of succeeding at that 90 day goal. And you're gonna be more focused on the growth and the [00:28:00] progress that you're making with knocking down all these little steps to get there. And then you're gonna have more fun doing it. my 90 day goal was to release a podcast and it's like, okay, well what does that look like?
What do I gotta do? And I just kept chunking it down further and further and further, and it just got down small enough to where it's like, I just need to create content. Like that's my daily goal. Just pick a topic, research it, and talk about it. That's it. And then I have so much more fun doing it because it's not as big and scary and hairy.
goals can be hairy. Maybe you could name your goal, Harry. I don't know. Okay,
So my goal is the 90 days to release a podcast and it's like, okay, what do I need to get there? I have to start with content. What kind of content, Do I need help with design or graphics or audio?
Do I need equipment? Like a light or a mic or recording software, whatever it is. I looked at all of that and I just kept breaking it down to like, [00:29:00] what do I need now? And then what do I need next? And then what do I need next? And it got to a point where it's like, okay, I'm ready. I can start recording.
And here we are. Here we are. I'm doing it. So small steps over time, compound. Two big results. I have a, a calendar, just a monthly calendar. It's a, an inspirational calendar because I'm all about inspiration. And this month it said, I think it says, I'm not gonna quote it exactly, but a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Just one. I gotta do this. Just take one. If you do something small every single day, I, I'm telling you, I've got a lot going on. Right. I just spend a minimum. I just make myself a promise that every single day I'm gonna spend one hour. Even if I'm exhausted, then I might just spend that hour doing something that. Is easier, you know, reading a book for an hour or jotting down notes for an hour, right? Those small steps compound over time.
Choose your goal, a 90 day goal, and break it down to the [00:30:00] smallest steps that you can start taking action on this week.
Okay, so we talked about the top three so far. So the first one was setting vague goals. Second one was having too many goals, and then number three was focusing just on the outcome without actually having like a planner, a process. Number four. This is probably one that I think everybody gets tripped up on and it's tying goals to convenience or waiting for the perfect conditions, right?
We've all been there. I know for a fact I have been there more than once in my life.
When you pursue goals that are only convenient or comfortable, you'll avoid challenges. You will avoid learning opportunities. You will probably avoid even taking action. And ultimately you're just going to stunt your growth. Growth never happens in your comfort zone. Think about all of the times that you've grown.
At least in my experience and from others [00:31:00] that I've seen you faced something super hard. Maybe it was completely out of your control, something totally unexpected, right?
Those are the times that you actually grow the most. Okay? If you tell yourself, I'm gonna go to the gym when I have more energy, or when I feel motivated, or when I have the time. You're energy is always gonna fluctuate. You're never gonna always have the right amount of energy to go after what it is you want, Extra time is never guaranteed. I mean, think about the hours that you have in a day. Everybody has the same amount of hours in a day. Why are there some people that are extremely stupid successful, and there are some people that are just living paycheck to paycheck?
What do you think the super, super successful people are doing with their hours and their day?
And motivation doesn't always last. If I'm just gonna wait to feel motivated all the time to go [00:32:00] after what it is I want, I can't just sit around and wait for that to just happen. I have to make it happen, If you tie your goals to who you are and the type of person that makes these goals happen, that's what's gonna stick When you know that you can rely on yourself to make all this shit happen.
So if you're waiting on the perfect time, you're waiting on your schedule to open up, you're waiting on these like little bursts of inspiration, you're never gonna follow through long enough to actually succeed. By doing this. You're just procrastinating. You're just waiting for that perfect moment that doesn't exist. Do you know how much shit I have to do right now? I'm not kidding right now. my bathroom is a mess. My tub is disgusting. I need to walk my dog. I probably have to start help prepping dinner at some point.
I have so much shit going on, but you know what? This is what is most important to me right now. So I'm like, ? Let me just get this done. [00:33:00] Just record one episode. Like I said, just break it down into small steps. Let me just record one episode today and then I can do all the rest all week.
I don't have to rush to do that. That's not going anywhere, right? Today it's like a beautiful, sunny day. It's a Sunday. It's kind of chill. I got my packer gear on. The Packer game is going on right now. I'm gonna go watch it when I'm done with this, but this is what's most important to me right now. I'm making the time.
You have to make time for what's important to you.
I am gonna say this one more time. I've said it before. You will never be younger than you are today. Okay? Time is not waiting for you. Stop waiting for the perfect time. Do it now.
I saw this somewhere, I think it was a reel or something, and it said if someone were to follow you around for a week, what would they say about you and how serious you are with your goals?, Think about that. If you were to just like have the shadow. If that was watching you, would you feel embarrassed after a week?
Like, [00:34:00] Ooh, I probably didn't do everything I could have done. I probably could have done more. Think about that. Pretend it's your, your higher self that I refer to quite a bit. That's your future self. That it's achieved all of its goals, right? Or their goals. It's not an it picture. Your higher self watching you right now.
Like, are they serious? Are you really, are you really serious about getting this goal? Are you think about that. I know if my higher self was to watch me for a week, they'd be like, damn, she's, she ain't playing. She's on her shed. The moral of the story is you have to be consistent no matter what.
Stop treating your goals like a hobby. Please stop. Treat them like they are your health. Treat them like they are your kids or your pet or a family member. You have to nurture them,
you can't neglect them just because you don't have time. I don't always wanna walk my dog, especially in like colder days or Rainier days, but you know what? It makes her happy. And [00:35:00] I know it's really good for her mental health and her physical health.
I don't always wanna cook dinner for my family, but you know what? They have to eat. I don't say well. If I have time tonight, I'll cook you dinner. Like, no, I, you have to, or I don't know. , Laundry. I'll do the laundry eventually when I have the motivation, Like, no, we need clean underwear and clean socks and, basketball uniforms.
I can't just be like I didn't have the motivation this week, honey. Sorry, your basketball jerseys dirty. No, I have to make the time. If he's got a game, I need to make sure that jerseys washed before. So if your goal is a 90 day goal, what is it that you have to do before then? Where are you going to carve out the time?
When are you going to make it happen?
Make an intention each day or even the day before about what you need to do that day or maybe the following to move the needle. What is the one really hard thing that you've been avoiding that you could just get started on today? [00:36:00] Mine was recording an episode, even though I have 50 other things to do, but I'm like, you know what?
Nope. I'm gonna get ready. I'm gonna go through all of my notes. I'm gonna make sure it makes sense and I'm gonna just do it.
True. True fulfillment comes from doing what you thought you couldn't do and being true to yourself. When you say you're gonna do something and then you actually do it, how do you feel about yourself? Or when you say you're gonna do something and then you don't do it, usually feel like shit, I know I do.
Like, I don't feel good laying down knowing that, Ugh, I should have recorded that episode today. Or, I should have planned some content today, or I should have done some research today. That doesn't feel good when you tell yourself, oh, I should have went to the gym, or, I really should have planned my meals for the week. Should've, would've coulda. Just plan for it. Just make the time. It's not as hard as you're building it up to be in your mind.
And then when you get through the harder things, when you actually do what you say you're gonna do, you're gonna [00:37:00] build that confidence, you're gonna build that resilience and you're gonna get bigger breakthroughs. Because if you can get through that hard shit and you can be true to yourself, what else are you capable of?
Like, you're gonna surprise yourself.
So what is one thing that you have been putting off that you can just decide to do today or to just at least decide to get started today? Even if things aren't perfect, even if you don't have the most time in the world. Can you put 20 minutes aside, 30 minutes aside, 10 minutes aside, could you at least put a little bit of time aside to just gain some momentum?
So we've gone through vague goals., we've gone through setting too many goals at once. We've gone through focusing on the end goal without actually having like a plan or a process.
And we've also talked about tying goals to convenience. The final mistake, and I'm not saying that there's not more than five, I'm sure there's more than five mistakes. These are just the, the ones that really [00:38:00] resonated with me that I was like, oh, absolutely, I've done check, check, check. I've done all these.
So the last one is ignoring values and emotional alignment. With your goal. So really like knowing your why. And what this means is you're not tying your goals or your goal to what you truly want to. What speaks to you? What gets you excited, what lights you up, what you love doing. When your goals aren't aligned with your values and your emotions, they feel empty, they feel meaningless.
Maybe you'll achieve them, but if you achieve them, you're still gonna feel unfulfilled, like something's missing. Maybe you feel restless or disconnected, so have you ever achieved something that once you got it, you were like, Hmm, is this it? That's what happens when your goals aren't connected to like your deeper why They were like a, like a surface level [00:39:00] fix.
So many people set goals on what they think they should want or what maybe society thinks they should do, what their parents think, what their peers think, and not what actually lights them up. And that's really kind of what started this whole journey of mine is me not feeling aligned.? I just, I looked successful on the outside.
But to me, I'm like, I'm not really doing what it is that I wanna do. And the problem with that was I didn't even know what it was. That was a whole journey in itself, which I'm hoping to help many of you on. But not being in alignment means you're, you're probably just chasing money. You're just chasing a salary.
Maybe you're chasing a status or a title, material things maybe your goal is just to get a bigger house or like some, you know, fancy car. Maybe you just wanna go back to school and get this degree or a certification, but it's not really something [00:40:00] that you wanna do. Maybe it's something that you just think you should have at this stage in your life or you think you should have, to impress your parents or society or whatever it is.
Maybe it is a promotion at work to get a, a better title or a higher salary, but maybe it comes with some responsibilities that you don't really align with, but you're so focused on the money and the title and what that might mean to others that you're not really searching for the meaning of it within yourself.
So an example I have is, I have several examples, but one that just kind of jumped in my head was my 12-year-old before they started their car detailing business. He told me that he wanted to clean garbage cans for the summer.
I'm referring to like the residential garbage cans. Like you've got your garbage can and then your recycling bin and they can get pretty disgusting. I don't know about you, but my garbage can is gross the stuff that goes in there. If you have kids, they just toss shit in [00:41:00] there without it being in a bag like milkshakes and food.
And I know I put all of, my dogs, like my, the poop bags after the walk, I put it in there. Granted it's in a bag, but it's still poop in a bag, in a garbage. Like there's a lot of disgusting shit in there. And he is like, oh, I could charge like 50 bucks to clean both cans. Or I don't know what, what he was gonna charge, but I'm like, no.
You're not doing that. Why mom? Why I'm gonna make so much money, man and mom, I . So many kids doing it. And I'm like, no, that's not what you wanna do. I'm not going to encourage you cleaning garbage cans because after like the 10th or 15th garbage can, you're gonna be like, this sucks.
I hate this. Why did I start doing this? No, I'm like, do something that you like, do something that you enjoy that doesn't even feel like work. Guess what they love? They love cars. So car detailing was something that he came up with after I shot him down [00:42:00] with the garbage can thing.
So a few years ago when I got my spiritual awakening, when I just felt like there had to be more to what I was doing, I thought initially that it was I needed to work for myself, right? I thought it was about, I didn't wanna work for someone else, I just wanted to be on my own terms.
So I got into this real estate tax investing, which at the time I thought it was something that I would love. I'm like, oh, I love real estate. I love looking at houses. I love comparing values.
But then over time I'm like, Ugh. It felt like I just created another job for myself. It was so isolating and it was so boring. I'm like.
What am I doing I'm not having fun doing this. I don't feel any better about this than I was working my nine to five. So what? What is the goal here? I didn't know what my values were. I wasn't tying it to something that I was truly lit up about and passionate about because I didn't know that [00:43:00] yet.
But again, I had to go through that. I had to go through that struggle and that other challenge for me to realize that that was my next step. I have to discover what I'm truly passionate about, for me to even take that next step.
What is something that you feel super passionate about? What is something that you can do that gives you a sense of freedom, a sense of joy, maybe it's a, like a creative expression. When your goals are tied to your values and your purpose, they're gonna feel so much lighter and so much more fulfilling.
And then when you tie your goals to your purpose. So for me, like this brings me so much purpose by helping other people go after their dream life, go after their goals, go after their passions. This for me, then it's so much easier. To do. I don't feel like this is work. I'm so much more driven [00:44:00] to do this, to take the necessary actions.
And then when I run into challenges, I've run into so many challenges with audio and technical issues, and enough to where if I wasn't super serious about this, I probably would've given up, but I'm like, I don't care. I'll just figure it out.
So you can't just want your goal or your vision be about status or money. It has to be about something deeper. , Maybe you want the freedom to travel or you wanna be able to help your family. For me, I wanted to have a purpose. And live every day not feeling like it was work.
But in addition to that, I wanted to show my family, my kids, my friends, that it is possible that I was able to achieve this. So, so can you, if I can, you can.
My goal is to inspire others and to leave a legacy for my family, to show not only my kids, but my grandkids and their kids. , I [00:45:00] want them to be able to see. What I was capable of, and I want them to be able to see that within themself.
So that to me is my big why. I want my family, my friends, to see if I was able to accomplish something that I'm super passionate about, then they can too.
You just have to focus on what feels good and what comes natural to you. If you are going after a goal and it doesn't come naturally to you, it's gonna feel like work, you're gonna feel like you're forcing it. You shouldn't always feel like you're having to make yourself work. It shouldn't even feel like work.
You should wanna do it. It should be something that you're like, oh yes, I'm doing that today. Like, it's not even a question.
And when you have something that you're doing that's bringing you purpose, that is fueling your passion, you're gonna have this deeper motivation that is lasting, ? It's not gonna just kind of come and go. You are gonna be a lot less likely to give up.
You're going to have such a strong sense of fulfillment when you [00:46:00] achieve these goals that are meaningful to you, and you're gonna have a life that feels aligned. You're gonna feel like you're finally living in harmony, and things aren't so hard and conflicted and forced and stressful.
So how do you do that? How do you make sure that your goals are aligning with your values, your passion, or your purpose? One thing that you should just ask yourself is, why do you really want this? ? What is it that you really want? And then why do you want it? Keep asking yourself why? Until you get like an emotional response.
If it doesn't excite you and it doesn't fulfill you, it's probably not the right goal for you.
So if you have any existing goals, look at, look at all of 'em. If you have more than one. Do any of them align with your core values? Do they get you excited? Are you super lit up by them? If you don't, then you probably just need to refine them or completely scratch [00:47:00] it and replace it and start over.
Okay, so you have just uncovered five ways. You're probably sabotaging yourself when it comes to your goals, but the good news is that you have control over every single one of them. And the other good news is you can start today to make those changes.
Your future self, your higher self, your best self yourself that has achieved all of the goals and all of the dreams that you are setting out to achieve is watching you and is so excited to see you win. I'm excited to see you win. So I wanna hear which of these mistakes you have been making.
As I said, I have made all of them and probably more, which is why I created this for you because now you know here I am. I made 'em all and I'm still here. So hit me up. Lemme know your thoughts. I would love to hear from you and thank you for tuning in and I hope to see you on the next episode. Bye.
