Episode 13 (Final) - Why Your Backup Plan Is a Plan to Hold You Back - Here's What You Actually Need
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Welcome to the Starlit Success Podcast. I am your host, Jessica Gaines, and today I wanna talk about something that I think the majority of us have been taught since we were kids as far as you know, the way it relates to planning goals or living our dream life.
I think the intent is positive. You know, I think the intent is to keep us safe, keep us prepared and maybe prevent us from risky or unfortunate circumstances,
and that is the idea that you should always have a plan B.
Just in case Plan A doesn't work out.
You might think that having a plan B is keeping you safe, or the person telling you to have a plan B thinks that they're trying to help you by keeping you safe, but it's actually the thing that's keeping [00:01:00] you stuck. What's really happening is your plan B is stealing the shine from your plan A. It's taking away that focus from your plan A.
And today I'm gonna tell you why,
you've probably heard it a ton. You know it's smart to have a backup plan just in case, but what if planning for that just in case, is subconsciously convincing you that your Plan A isn't realistic?
Or maybe it's just not possible for you, or that it's like just out of reach.
What if your plan B isn't really protecting you, but it's preparing you to give up on your plan A
and from what I've learned. Going all in on your plan A is the only way to go. You know, if you keep like one foot in your just in case plan or your plan B plan, you're not gonna give your plan a all of your energy.
Because it's divided.
Most people think that having a plan B is responsible, that, you know, [00:02:00] it's, it's what adults do. It's a way to be proactive, a way to be logical. They say, you know, if this plan, if my goal, if my dream, if whatever it is that you're pursuing doesn't work out, then at least I'll have something to fall back on.
But the problem is, is that immediately divides your focus. This is installing fear in your mind. You are subconsciously by having this plan B, you are subconsciously planning to fail, planning not to hit your plan A.
You're telling your subconscious that this might not work. because if, if you knew it would work, you wouldn't need a plan B. And the moment that you believe that it might not work, you really stop giving it a hundred percent.
So what happens when you live like that? What happens when you have this plan? A, your, your main goal, your dream life, whatever it is that you're pursuing. But on the side, you kind of have this plan B as you are, safety [00:03:00] net. By having the safety net in place. You'll be a little less excited about your plan A, because you're subconsciously telling yourself that it might not work, that you might not make it, and I think that when you have a plan B, you're less willing to overcome obstacles. Plan A. Like if things get too hard going after plan A, then you might be like, well, I got this plan B, let me just, let me go over here and do this plan B. 'cause this plan A is getting too hard. Whereas if you just eliminate the plan B and your plan A is all you have, you're like, this has to work.
I'm gonna figure it out, and you're gonna try to get over any obstacle that comes your way.
So when you have this backup plan, you hesitate a little bit more because you know there's safety over here. So instead of maybe taking a risk, you're like, oh, I don't know, maybe, maybe I should just fall back or instead of. Courageous and trying something new and trying something that scares you a little bit.
Maybe you just stick with your comfort zone. Maybe your [00:04:00] plan B is in your comfort zone, and then you just slide back there.
Deep down your mind knows that there's this soft cushy landing in case it doesn't work out.
. So psychologists have discovered something called the Plan B effect, and it's basically when someone starts thinking about a backup plan, their performance on the main goal automatically drops.
Their motivation decreases, their creativity slows down, and they take less risks.
Shocking. You gotta plan B.
And why does this happen? Because your brain, your mind is designed to conserve energy. If it senses another route to safety, it's going to stop fighting as hard for the first one.
And if you think about it, it's similar to, you know, having that, that one goal that we talked about, focusing on the one thing and , the idea of chasing two rabbits, you get none because by having a plan A and a plan B in place, essentially, in my mind, that's like having two [00:05:00] rabbits
you're giving your energy to both things, which means you're dividing your focus. So how can you really give a hundred percent to your plan A, if you're also simultaneously planning plan B.
You will actually hear this a lot from celebrities. Um, I've heard from many celebrities. I watch a lot of interviews. I listen to a ton of podcasts and I read a lot of books. And this is a common theme among them where they say they didn't have a backup plan.
There was no fallback, there was no plan B. This had to be it. they attribute their success to not having a backup plan. Steve Harvey actually did an interview, and in the interview he said that everyone that he knew that had a Plan B ended up using it. And Beyonce said something similar.
She's like, if you have something to fall back on, you're gonna fall back. Which is so true. Like
To me that that is so inspiring to know that these people who are. In my mind, stupid successful to know that they [00:06:00] never had a plan B, that they just knew that this had to work, which means they just had to do everything in their power.
You know, they had to overcome a ton of challenges. Right? But they didn't let that stop them 'cause they didn't have a plan B. They didn't have that backup plan or that safety net there to catch them if they fell, they knew I have to make this work.
Arnold Schwartzenegger . arnold Schwartzenegger. Say that three times fast. He, in, in the interview said, you know, we have so many people already telling us that things aren't possible or thinking that we can't do something. You know, we have all this negativity around us already.
That by having a plan B essentially you're, you're doubting yourself and when you start to doubt yourself, that is just. Detrimental to your goals and your dreams. You need to believe in yourself. That's one of the most critical, critical things you need to have is belief. And by having a plan [00:07:00] B, you're instilling this doubt in your mind that it might not be possible for you.
These celebrities didn't succeed just because they were lucky. They succeeded because they were all in, they burned the boats and they said, this has to work. I have no choice. And if you don't know what burning the boats means It was a military strategy back, and I don't know when, where commanders would order that their ships be burned, and it was a way to ensure that their armies had no choice but to fight because there's no way out. So you either fight and you win. You die. it's kind of like that get rich or die trying mentality.
Like either you do everything possible or you die trying like this. This has to be it for you.
When you have that kind of energy though, like it forces you to fully commit to your dream instead of like minimizing your dream or your goal or your plan to be within something that is in your comfort zone, which is what I consider a plan B2B. I feel like [00:08:00] plan A is like reach for the stars and then plan B is like fall back into my comfort zone.
You never grow in your comfort zone. Why do you wanna stay there? Go after your dreams?
This energy makes you think like this has to work. Like I have to do everything in my power to make sure that this works. Think about trying to fly a plane and the plane is dragging a parachute behind you just in case, right? Just in case the plane goes down, we got a parachute, right? So we're not gonna crash and burn. But at the same time that parachute is like creating this drag. And ironically. The very thing that you think is keeping you safe by having this parachute on the back is actually increasing the chances that you'll never get to the altitude that you actually wanna reach as long as it's there. You just gotta let it go and believe. . So, okay, what do I do? How do I protect myself? How can I make sure that I don't fail if I don't have a plan B?
[00:09:00] What? What are you suggesting? So. I believe that instead of having a plan B, we need to make sure your plan A is aligned. So instead of a plan B, make sure that you have these three things and these aren't things that you necessarily have to plan for, but they're things you just have to feel, things that you have to know, um, things that you need to use your intuition for, and. You can't find them anywhere externally. You can maybe use external things to help you discover them, but you can really only learn how to uncover what is already within you.
And the first one is passion. You're less likely to achieve a very big goal if you don't have some passion for it. So what is something that really, really interests you and gets you excited? You know, what do you have the most fun doing? , what do you lose time doing? What is something that just captivates your attention?
Maybe it's music, [00:10:00] maybe it is teaching, maybe it's gardening, um, maybe it's traveling, maybe it's learning. Maybe it's, um, being outside, being in nature. Maybe it's being active, being physical, working out, you know, whatever it is. Find something that just really, truly lights you up, okay.
That is going to increase the chances of you putting all of your energy into it if it's something that you actually enjoy and lose time doing.
make sure that your goal has an element of passion involved. Okay? Otherwise, you're probably gonna lose momentum over time because you're not gonna care as much. If you don't care as much, then you're not gonna put the necessary work in, and it's gonna be a lot easier to just give up.
Okay. The second thing that I think is really, really important when it comes to setting a big goal or pursuing your dream life is how does it align with your purpose? Do you know your purpose? This is the reason that you believe you were put on this planet for? What makes you feel like you matter? [00:11:00] What brings you a sense of fulfillment? What makes you feel like. Your presence and by doing this thing is making a difference in the world.
You know, what is something that drives you? This could be. The message that you feel like you were meant to carry. This could be lessons or challenges that you've learned or faced that will allow you to then help others go through a similar thing. It could be you contributing valuable skills. How are you making the world a better place by pursuing this goal or this dream
when you have purpose in what you're doing? This also. Prevents you from giving up at the first sign of a challenge or an obstacle, or things aren't going right because you have this bigger why that you know, you are meant to carry this out,
you're gonna be a lot less likely to give up on something if it's something that you love doing and it's something that you feel is the reason that you were put on [00:12:00] this earth. And I feel that if you have purpose and passion for what you're doing, it's. Almost impossible to not believe in yourself. If you enjoy this thing so much, if it lights you up, if you're excited, if you're always looking forward to it and you feel like you're helping people, or this was your mission, this is the reason that you were put on earth, how can you not believe in yourself?
You are actually doing yourself a disservice and you are doing humanity a disservice if you don't pursue these things. There's a reason that you have passion for something. There's a reason that when you do something, you feel like you matter. That's not just random, you know, God, the universe, whatever higher power you believe in.
Gave you those things for a reason. You were meant to use them. You were meant to touch the world and bring your light to make a difference.
And when you can combine. Purpose and passion into [00:13:00] something that you wanna pursue to the life that you wanna live. I feel that belief is just a natural byproduct of the two. And once you have belief in yourself, so you've got your purpose, you've got your passion, and now you believe that it's possible for you, you don't need a backup plan.
Once you have belief and you can see that this is actually going to happen, you know it's not even a question anymore, you know it's gonna happen. You don't need a plan B. What do you need a plan B for?
What you need is Back up strategies for your plan A. So we're not changing the destination. We're not changing the target, but maybe we need to alter the ways to get there, right? You can plan for shit to happen. I mean, shit's always gonna happen. Not everything goes as planned all the time, but that doesn't mean that you just give up.
When Plan A doesn't go as planned, you don't give up on the dream, you just change your approach.
So what if you're headed to a family gathering [00:14:00] or you're headed to a vacation, maybe you're on a road trip and you're on your planned route. You made all the plans to take this route to get there. You packed the bags and everything, and then you discover a road is closed.
Maybe that closure didn't even come up on the GPS. This actually, the reason I'm bringing this up is this actually happened to us on our camping trip this year.
I think I've mentioned our annual camping trip in a previous episode So we take this big camping trip with all of our friends and some of our siblings every year. This is something that we've been doing for probably 15 years now. And we keep it the same weekend.
Um, it's the same campground. It's the same group of people that might have fluctuated throughout the years, but for the most part, this, this is the goal. Every year we go on this major camping trip, we bring all the kids. .
This is something that we all look forward to every year, especially the kids, I think. 'cause they don't have to do any of the packing or the cooking or the cleanup, right? We have fun too. Don't get me wrong. So we have the same weekend [00:15:00] that we go every year, um, the same campground, and typically we take the same route.
So this year as we're on our way, nothing came up on the GPS, but the road that we typically take is closed. So we're like, dammit, like, now what do we do? Right? The GPS isn't really helping. So we turn around and we see some detour signs, so we're like, okay. Let's take this detour so it starts taking us through the back roads and it turns out it was so beautiful.
Like this drive was so nice. Yeah, it took probably 15 to 20 minutes longer, but. We didn't change the plan. We didn't change where we were going. We weren't like, Ugh, the road's closed. What do we do? We have to go to a different campground, we have to go home and camp in the backyard.
We're not gonna call our friends and say, sorry, road's closed. Gotta turn around. They're gonna be like, we'll just find a different road. That's the way you need to look at your [00:16:00] plan A we didn't change our plans. We didn't cancel our trip. We didn't go to a different campground. We didn't go home. We just changed the route. That's all you have to do for your plan A right If it is meaningful enough to you. And honestly, if you look at the camping as though like aligning purpose and passion for me, passion, yes, I'm super excited to go camping.
I can't wait. It's so fun. Like time goes so fast when we're there. And the purpose of me being there is to spend time with my friends and family is to make everyone feel that this is also important to me. To share in these memories with our kids. That's so important. These are the memories that we will cherish forever.
I remember camping as a kid and that is something that always takes me back to my childhood. So you don't change the destination, ? You change the route, you pivot, you evolve, and you probably learn something along the way. So now we have a different route to go camping if we want to, right? So now we [00:17:00] have a couple different ways that we can get there, but you stay committed to the vision.
Plan A isn't one single path. You can shift how you get there, but you don't change where you're going, right? You owe your plan A, your full undivided attention.
And then when you go all in, you start to look at things a little differently, You look at things in a much more expansive way. You start showing up differently.
You tend to make bigger and bolder decisions,
and then you take action with this conviction that you just know it's gonna work because you have control.
And your energy starts to change. You just start to magnetize these opportunities or these situations to make things work out for you.
And then when you don't have a plan B and you're all in on Plan A, you stop asking yourself, what if this doesn't work? Right? You start saying, I will make this work by any means necessary, like I am going to make this happen. It is all on [00:18:00] me, , and I'm never giving up.
So how do you live without a plan B, but you still feel grounded and confident?
First, make the decision that this dream or this goal, or this plan is non-negotiable, that it's not something that you're just going to try, that it's something that you are going to become. And if you can marry the purpose and the passion, that's gonna make it a lot easier to do. Burn those mental bridges in your head. Kind of like burning the boats. Any energy that you were planning on giving your plan B, refocus that into your plan A, spend that extra time that you would've spent planning your plan B and spend it learning more about your plan A getting better, improving. Uh, maybe you do some experimenting, refocus all of that energy back into your plan a.
And be a little flexible with your plan. A right flexible in the [00:19:00] sense of how you get there. You're not changing where you're going. You're not changing the ultimate goal. You're not changing that ultimate destination. But maybe you have to make some alterations. Maybe you have to pivot a little bit.
Maybe you have to change your approach in different things. I know when I started this, you know, I had one approach with recording and I've, I've probably changed that like four times already. Now you see, I'm like holding this mic, which is kind of annoying, but I feel like the audio quality is so much better versus when I had, I had like this whole studio set up and it became so complicated for me that I, I could tell that it was just getting in my way
I felt like it was slowing me down. You know, I felt like I wasn't keeping the momentum of planning and recording every week like I would like to, and it started to feel like really daunting. I could tell I was getting stressed out every time that I had to record, so I didn't change my plan A, I didn't change what the ultimate goal was.
I changed my approach with how I went about it, and I'm not saying [00:20:00] this is gonna be my setup forever, but right now, in order to keep that momentum, I just had to kind of alter the way I was gonna get there temporarily.
And surround yourself with people that have goals, that have dreams . People who are chasing their dreams, like their life depends on it. And if you don't have anyone like that, just surround yourself with people who are going to support you. And if you don't have either of those, if you don't have anyone around you that's chasing big dreams or big goals, you don't have anyone around you that you feel is really gonna support you, then keep doing what you're doing. Do this. Watch videos, listen to podcasts, read books. Surround yourself with other successful people.
You can surround yourself with the information that you're taking in. Sign up for courses, join groups, watch interviews on successful people. Hear it firsthand. The more that you can surround yourself with this energy and see what's actually possible and you put [00:21:00] yourself in this world with all of these people who are chasing their dreams, or maybe they've already achieved their dreams, you can borrow their belief. Until it becomes your own the more that you saturate your world with the possibility of success, the more you're going to go after it yourself.
So here's your challenge. If you've been holding onto a backup plan, just in case, let this be the moment that you decide to let it go.
Because this goal or this dream life or whatever it is that you just can't stop thinking about, it also wants you,
but it's waiting for you to fully commit.
All right, that's what I got for you today. Let me know your thoughts. What were your takeaways? What do you resonate with?
I would love to hear from you. So thank you for spending your time and energy with me today, and I hope to see you on the next episode.
