EP16 Final- How to Stop Overthinking and Finally Take Action
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[00:00:00]
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Starlit Success podcast. I am your host, Jessica Gaines.
I would like to start off by saying this is the second time I'm recording this episode, because the first time I ran into so many technical issues that during the actual recording, my audio just went out. So that whole recording the audio is like, good, I wanna say for maybe like the first 20 minutes and then you just, it's inaudible for the rest of it.
I mean, you can kind of make it out, but it's, it's pretty bad. So here I am doing it all over again . I guess it kind of ties into what I'm talking about, which is pretty much overcoming challenges and being resourceful.
So it's like, if you really wanna do something, you're gonna get it done. So here we are, we're doing it again round two. And it's, it's actually kind of funny because when I started recording, I pressed record and I started talking. I was like, oh, oh my God, I did not have [00:01:00] my mic attached. So how funny would that have been if I would've had to record it a third time?
Not funny for me at least.
Which is kind of the whole point of me recording this episode is that like, have you ever noticed that the most successful people aren't always the ones who had the most experience, knew exactly what they were doing, had the most money, had the best education, they were the ones that just never gave up.
They were the ones that got creative. when they encountered an obstacle or a challenge, they figured out a way to get around it. And that's really what this whole episode is about, is about figuring it out.
So you know the term FA, FO, it's F around and find out. I would like to change that to F around and figure it out. That's really what it all boils down to. If you don't know anything, if you don't know how to do something, just F around and figure it out. Because look around, look around at the, the resources that we have today.
I mean, there is unlimited knowledge. Literally at our [00:02:00] fingertips, literally the press of a button, and I can have the answer, like, I can type in a sentence and get an answer like that. I can type in something and have something show up at my door. It's crazy. I mean, it's amazing, but
think about explaining this to someone who lived 50 years ago about the internet and Google, and Amazon and AI and all that. it would probably be really hard for them to process, but what I wanna get through today is just, it's not even all about the resources that we have available to us.
It's the lack of resourcefulness. It's the fact that we have all of this information available to us, but a lot of us aren't even really tapping into it. A lot of us aren't even really using it to our advantage
and what does resourcefulness even mean? It is the quick and clever way to overcome a difficulty or a challenge.
And I think the problem that most of us run into, or the mistake that a lot of us make is when we're faced with a [00:03:00] difficulty or a problem, we think that it's just like, we can't, we can't overcome it. We can't do it, we can't get past it. It's like you're faced with this problem and you immediately shut down.
And if you refer back to episode nine, you'll hear all about how much I despise that phrase. I can't because I feel like everybody can, maybe there's certain things that you can't do in the way that you want, but if you really wanna do something, you can do it.
But instead, a lot of people tend to think of all of the reasons that they can't do something because of their situation. , I can't do that right now because I have a full-time job. I'm too busy. I don't have the money. I don't know how, whatever it is, they come up with all of these excuses that they can't actually pursue what it is that they want to, or they automatically instill it in their head that they just can't do it.
So they're already setting themselves up for failure. By saying those words, I can't.
But most people that have started something, didn't have any kind of experience [00:04:00] before they started it. They just started.
And to get better at anything to learn, anything to grow, you have to just start somewhere. You don't have to be an expert. You don't have to have everything perfect. You just have to be willing to start.
And most people are busy. Most people have a lot going on, but the people that really want to achieve something and really want to take their lives somewhere, they make the time for their dreams or their goals because it's important to 'em.
When people say, I can't, it's like, how do you know you can't? did you try, do you know anyone else that's doing it? If so, then how come they can't? And then you can't.
listen to me. If there's something that you really wanna do, you can do it. You may not know how, you may not know all of the answers right away, but I promised you, you can start somewhere. Just take one step,
Let's say people aren't saying I can't, let's say they're like, I can do it [00:05:00] or I will do it. I'm going to do it, but I just have to wait until I have more time, or I have more money, or I need this situation to resolve itself first. Or what, whatever reason that they're giving, they're saying that this thing is impossible until all of these conditions are perfect.
Once the conditions are perfect, then I can do it.
But take it from me. things are never going to be exactly how you want them to be before you start something.
When you put things off into the future and you're telling yourself I need to have these conditions just so in order for me to move forward, really what you're doing is you're conditioning your brain to stay comfortable. You're saying, let's make sure we stay in our comfort zone because it's safe here.
And the more stories you tell yourself about why or when things have to be perfect
then the harder it actually is gonna be to start because you're comfortable where you are.
We know the only way to grow [00:06:00] is by getting out of our comfort zone. So if you're saying things have to be perfect, essentially what you're saying is that I need everything to be aligned so that I'm still in my comfort zone when I start this thing. But in reality, the only way that you actually grow or stretch is when you get out of your comfort zone.
you don't want things to be perfect when you start because that's how you're gonna grow. That's where you're gonna like shed that old version of you and step into this higher self. Because I am telling you, like when I started this I things were not perfect. Things are still not perfect.
If you can tell, I'm still holding this little mic in my hand, but. If I just kept waiting, if I just kept telling myself, well, no, I don't have some fancy studio. Look, I'm, I'm literally recording in my bedroom, okay. On my phone with this tiny mic. Things are not perfect. But if I kept telling myself, well, no, I wanna wait until I have this like, professional studio with a beautiful background and this amazing mic.
who knows when that would [00:07:00] happen, right? I'm just gonna delay it so long and I'm just gonna be training myself to just stay in my comfort zone. Don't break out yet, and you don't grow there. So get uncomfortable.
And I also believe that when you say, these conditions have to be this certain way in order for me to start, you're letting fear control you. You're basically saying that I'm, I'm scared. This is a way to just kind of kick the can down the road and use it as an excuse to not start.
Because what if I don't look prepared? What if I don't look like I have it all together? You know, you're scared of judgment. You're scared of what people are gonna tell you. And I'm gonna tell you just firsthand after starting this, you know, I've been doing this for a couple months now, and I'm gonna tell you, people do not care as much as you think they do.
I was freaking terrified when I started this, especially putting my face on camera and putting it on social media and everything, and like telling people about it. I was so scared about what they were gonna say, what they were gonna think. And now I'm like, you know what? Nobody even really cares that much.
I [00:08:00] mean, I have friends that haven't even listened to the podcast. It's like, why am I so scared about what they're gonna say? And they're not even listening. This isn't even really their thing. I am building it so much in my head I'm just creating these stories around it that aren't even real.
And then you know what? Even if people do have an opinion on what you're doing or what you're, you're planning, who cares I heard this a long time ago, and at first it was a little hard to digest. They said, what other people think about you is none of your business. And. At first, I'm like, how is that?
None of my business, it's me. They're thinking about me, they're talking about me. That is my business. But it's really not because it doesn't affect you in any way. whatever people think of you, what, even if they're, even if they're talking about you behind your back, even if they're judging you, they're criticizing you, that has nothing to do with you, that has everything to do with them.
Because I'm gonna tell you right now, people that are gonna [00:09:00] criticize you for wanting to make your life better and do something bigger and maybe even help people or, you know, chase a business, chase a dream. Why would anyone talk bad about that? And if they are, then that just means they're probably not doing it themselves, Because people that have an opinion don't matter. And the people that matter won't.
I am gonna tell you the people that are around you that are cheering you on, those are your people. And the people that are snickering behind your back, they're not. So it didn't matter anyway, so let them shout out to Mel Robbins. Let them.
And also if you don't look prepared to me, I feel like you know what? You guys see me. You guys have seen my journey so far. I feel like I'm only gonna inspire someone else by showing them that you can get started with something very small. You can start recording in a bedroom with a little tiny mic.
That might not be specifically what your dream is. [00:10:00] But like my husband, when he started music, he started on one little laptop, like one tiny little laptop with um, I think it was my son's old dresser that he was using as a desk. It wasn't even like a real desk. But he got started before he had his whole like professional studio set up.
Because it doesn't matter. Just, just start somewhere and you'll refine and evolve over time. And when you do encounter mistakes, if that's what you're scared of, if you're scared of messing up, that's okay. Mistakes are just feedback. it's an opportunity for you to learn. That is an opportunity for you to just get better.
So if you keep waiting for things to be perfect, you're likely just never gonna start.
You're probably gonna talk yourself out of opportunities because you don't quite feel ready. I'm gonna tell you right now, you're never gonna feel ready. I never felt ready to do this. I still don't always feel ready. Like when I hit record, it's still kind of like, Ugh, I gotta, I gotta work my way into it, right?
I'm not gonna say this is just easy, but it matters to me, so I'm gonna do it [00:11:00] anyway.
when I look at these other successful, um, social media influencers, or if I look at like successful, whoever, speakers, athletes, performers, they all typically get some kind of nerves before they start their thing. And to me, I feel like it's because you care because it matters to you. But it's not, it doesn't just like, oh yeah, no problem. I'm just gonna get on stage and do this performance at the Super Bowl. Like there's some nerves involved, but that doesn't mean you just don't do it. They still do it.
feeling like you're ready for something, I feel like is a freaking lie. I don't feel like you're ever gonna feel 100% ready, so why not just start with something?
And if you're gonna make excuses, if you're gonna wait for things to be perfect, if you're gonna be scared of what other people are gonna say, then your dreams, they're just, your dreams are just gonna stay in your head. They're never gonna become a reality if you keep believing all of that.
the saddest part about that is then it's not even everyone else getting in your way, it's yourself. Like you're the [00:12:00] main person that's stopping your growth.
What you really need is to just figure out how to be resourceful with what you have.
We live in the most resource rich time in human history.
I mean. We have the internet, we have ai, we have YouTube, we've got online courses, we've got online mentors, we've got podcasts. I mean, you can get information on literally any, anything. Anything that you want. You can type something in a Google, you can type something in a chat, GPT.
You can search it up, as my kids would say, and boom, you're gonna get the information within seconds.
When I was a kid, we had encyclopedias. I had a whole, was it Britannica? Encyclopedia Britannica. I had a whole encyclopedia like library, I don't know what you call it. My grandpa got it for me and I, I loved it. Like it was, it was cool for me 'cause I loved to learn and I used it for school and whatnot, [00:13:00] but that's where I got my information.
from an an encyclopedia, I wasn't able to press a button and just get access to whatever I wanted. I mean, now you can learn how to survive in the wilderness. You can learn how to fix a car. You can learn how to start a business. You can learn marketing, you can learn whatever you want.
You can learn how to use Photoshop. I actually used ai. I never knew that this function was available, but we got our family photos done about a year ago. And I didn't realize at the time that I should have told a photographer that I wanted certain photos taken, horizontally because we had certain frames in the living room that I wanted to be able to put them in.
And after getting them back, I'm like, dang, these are all vertical. What am I supposed to do? I can't put them in the horizontal frames 'cause they won't fit. So I'm like, something told me just like, of course, look it up, search it up, figure it out. See if there's a way that you can do this.
Sure enough, there's a whole YouTube video on this AI tool in Photoshop, which we have Photoshop 'cause my [00:14:00] son does designs and I like to play around with it too. But there's an AI tool in Photoshop where you can literally change the orientation of a photo by regenerating from the image. So you can literally tell it.
So it was on the beach, I can tell it. Um, put in rocks and sand and make this a horizontal frame. Boom. Done. I mean, it took me a little bit to figure it out, but the actual work itself took seconds. You can figure out how to do anything you want. , You just have to go after it.
So I don't wanna hear, I don't know how, I do not wanna hear. I don't know how. Because you can figure it out. And if you can't figure something out within seconds online, then spend some time learning like you're doing now. Listen to podcasts. Search it up online. Look for YouTube videos, invest in yourself.
The best investment that you will ever make is in yourself, because everything that you put within yourself, all of the knowledge, all of the experience, all the life lessons that you have, all of that does is it just appreciates over time. That's [00:15:00] cool. Like if you invest in finance and the stocks and real estate and all of that, but it all starts within yourself and what you know and what you hold within.
So use the information available to improve yourself first, and then watch your life just expand.
And I look at it this way, like anything that you create, whether it's a business, a craft, whatever, whatever your thing is that you're making or you're doing, to me it's kind of, it's like your baby, right? Like you put all of your, your time and your energy and your creativity into this thing, and you want it to, to grow you, you're nourishing it, right
And I think of that because when you have a baby, so I think of like being a parent when you're a parent, yes, you can get prepared for having a child.
You can read books, you can go to classes. I mean, I read like what to expect when you're expecting. I think we maybe went to one new parenting class and I think I only did that for my [00:16:00] husband, but when you have a baby, like you can learn as much as you want about having a baby,
I can study, I can go to classes as much as I want, but you're not really gonna know how to take care of a baby until it's here. You're not really gonna know how to soothe them when you've tried everything else.
You've tried the nookie, you've tried to feed them, you've tried to change 'em, and nothing else is working. What do you do? You get resourceful. You start thinking outside of the box, like, what else can I do? My son, for some reason, he liked to be up. Actually, I shouldn't say for some reason. I know, I know why now.
I think he had a upset tummy. He liked to be like up, up on my shoulder. If you can't see me, I'm like putting my hand way up on my shoulder. He liked his stomach to be on my shoulder. He also liked to be outside. No one tells you if your baby's crying and you've tried everything else, go outside. But I just kept trying things.
I don't know. I'm just, okay. Uh, this isn't working. Let me try this. This isn't working. Let me try this. I'm not gonna be like up, give up. Nothing's [00:17:00] working. I give up. No, you care about your baby. You care about their happiness and their health, so you're never gonna give up until they stop crying.
You just try everything because your baby matters to you, right? So if something isn't working in whatever it is that you're wanting to create, whatever your dream or your goal or whatever it is that you're going after, if something isn't working, just try something else.
Just get resourceful.
When you have creativity, persistence, determination, and you pair that with having a vision and having faith like you're, you're unstoppable. you're gonna figure whatever out. if you have all of those ingredients, your success is guaranteed.
Like there's no way you're gonna fail.
Because when you're creative and you have persistence, and you're determined and you know where you're going, and you believe that it's possible, you're gonna adapt to things a lot easier. You're gonna pivot a lot quicker. You're gonna realize that you have the power to figure things out, and you know that [00:18:00] everything is figureoutable.
Shout out to my best friend Rachel. She's got a little sign in her kitchen that says Everything is figureoutable.
So stop focusing on what you don't know
or what you don't have and realize you can do it if you really want to. And that's something her and I have always joked about. we have this saying, if you really want to, you'll find a way. And if you really don't, you'll find an excuse. And I mean, think about it, if you really wanna go to that party, you're gonna figure out a way to get there.
If you don't have a ride, if you don't have something to wear, whatever, you're gonna figure all of that out to make sure that you're there. And if you really don't want to, maybe you say you have a headache or you've got this going on, you find all the excuses on why you can't go because you don't really wanna.
So ask yourself that too. Like, do I really want this thing? you have to want it so bad, and you have to have a bigger why. It has to be bigger than yourself because it's way too easy to let yourself down.
But your success is really going to be dependent on how bad you want it. [00:19:00] Why do you want it? How willing you are to get creative. Get a little messy, not give up, overcome challenges, and just be focused.
So many successful people have started without the resources they've needed.
let's look at Walt Disney. I did a little digging on him because I really admire Disney, just overall Disney World, Disney movies. Everything that he has built is just amazing to me. And when I did my research on him, I found that he really didn't have the best childhood. I found out that his mother died when he was young.
He had an abusive father, which is kind of sad, but he found his escape through drawing. And to me it was like, wow, how powerful is that? You know, I always talk about how you typically find your power through a struggle or a lesson that you've learned. So that is just kind of another testament to that.
But his first cartoon studio went bankrupt after like a couple years.
He lost his rights to the original cartoon character that he created. I think it was named Oswald or something like that.
Then he created Mickey Mouse, but was rejected by like [00:20:00] 300 banks before one finally said yes.
all of this led to a nervous breakdown.
Then he came back with Snow White, I believe he had a couple duds after that.
Then he has this vision of Disneyland, creating something or a place for families to get together and just enjoy each other.
Everyone thought he was crazy. They thought he was out of his mind.
ran into a ton of issues, like zoning issues, funding issues, all kinds of stuff, but he never gave up.
They even named the opening day Disneyland Black Sunday, because I guess it was like a hundred degrees outside. The asphalt was melting people's shoes, water fountains were not working.
Obviously, on a hundred degree day, that's probably not ideal.
There was a ticketing issue. people were jumping the fences not paying to get in. It was pure chaos. But I say all of this because look at where he ended up.
If he would've just given up at all of those other challenges he faced, Disney wouldn't be what it is today. he had relentless resourcefulness. He was like, this [00:21:00] isn't gonna work. Okay, I'm gonna try this. Okay, this isn't working. I'm gonna try this. he just kept adapting and kept pivoting
until it worked. And today, Disney is worth over $200 billion. I mean, that's crazy. Hundreds of billions of dollars
because he found an escape through drawing and that's how it evolved.
I faced a ton of issues with this podcast. I ran into audio issues. I ran into video issues. I ran into wifi, internet issues, uploading issues. Every technical thing that could have gone wrong went wrong.
I had to troubleshoot. I had to call tech support. I had to have people come to the house, figure out my wifi. I had to have my husband help me with the audio. I was on chat GPT forever trying to figure out all these different errors that I was encountering, but I didn't let that stop me.
I just kept just like, okay, you know, figure it out, F around and figure it out. And here I am recording this for the second time
because I really want it and my why is big and I'm here to serve.
So when you become [00:22:00] resourceful, you start realizing that like I, I can get over challenges. Like it's not as big as it probably seems. You start to feel more powerful and you don't let yourself get stuck.
You remind yourself, you train your brain to realize there's always a way
you are gonna stop waiting for permission. You're gonna stop waiting for that perfect day,
and that's gonna put you ahead of most people that are still stuck in that someday mentality.
And you're only gonna build confidence in yourself. So when you encounter a challenge and you figure out a way to get over it or to get through it, you realize like, hmm, it wasn't as difficult as I made it out to be.
Yeah, maybe it was hard to get through. Like, I'm not gonna lie, all the technical issues that I ran into is super stressful. I was almost in tears a couple times. But having gone through that, now I know, well, I got through that. What else am I capable of?
You build the courage to get through the next thing.
And when you build the courage and you build the confidence, maybe now you're willing to take even bigger steps.
When you do [00:23:00] encounter obstacles and you get through them, you stop even looking at them like they're obstacles anymore.
It's almost like a puzzle. Like, okay, here's an issue. How do I solve it?
When you do encounter like a setback, you look at it like, Hmm, this, is this teaching me something? Am I supposed to look in a different area? Am I supposed to try something different? you're not looking at it from the angle of oh crap, this is an issue. Oh, what am I gonna do? You have a bigger vision then.
Then you're kind of like Disney, like, okay, this didn't work. Lemme try this. This didn't work. Let me try this. And it just kept expanding and expanding.
It's like that video game, like every level has its own set of challenges and with every level the challenges get a little bit harder and you just have to figure it out. How do I beat the level? How do I beat the bad guy?
So rather than thinking of all the different reasons that you can't do something or why now isn't the right time, or letting fear overtake you decide that you are just going to start
and just tell yourself, I'm gonna start and [00:24:00] expect and accept that you're going to run into challenges along the way. it's not just going to be easy breezy all the time. I mean, that's not even what life is. Life is always filled with challenges or obstacles or problems, right?
That doesn't mean life sucks, right? You just figure it out.
So just decide you're gonna do it and adopt the figure it out mindset. And instead of like getting stuck in the problem, start asking yourself some questions.
Instead of saying like, I don't know how, ask, how can I learn?
How can I figure it out? Who else has done this?
What's the next step I can take?
how can I make it work with what I have right now?
What do you already have? What resources do you already have at your disposal?
And if you have the internet, you pretty much have access to anything that you need.
So use that to get started. I'm not saying you need to have everything figured out on day one, but that one step at a time and just making the decision to start something and then just using what you have to figure it out [00:25:00] along the way. And just take baby steps every day.
Learn a little bit more, practice a little bit more. Try something new. That's what's gonna give you momentum,
and then you just adjust as you go. You just make a mistake. Figure it out. Move on to the next. Okay, that didn't work. Pivot. Try something different.
I heard this phrase once, and I think it's really applicable to this episode. You know how they usually say like, ready, aim, fire. Someone said it should be ready, fire, aim, and I'd like to modify it a little bit because when you say ready, I don't want you to think that you need to feel ready.
I'm like a broken record at this point. You don't need to feel ready. , just pretend like you're ready.
Just set a date that you're gonna start this thing, so that we'll call that being ready. So ready. And then it's fire. Okay. We're not gonna aim yet. We're just gonna fire. And I feel like that kind of ties into not being ready. So when I, I wasn't ready when I started this, but I promised myself that by this specific date, I was gonna start recording whether I felt ready or not.
Because if I ever felt ready, I would just kick this can down the road until it never even [00:26:00] happened. So when this date hit, I started recording and then it was that ready, fire, aim. So fire means you just start, And then aim means you refine it. you start doing your thing. You don't have all the answers, you don't have it perfect, but you refine it along the way.
And then last thing is just be persistent. Just be persistent. You're going to run into problems. Bad things are gonna happen. It's not gonna go exactly how you wanted it to. Just look at it like, how can I try this a different way? How can I learn from this?
How can I do this better?
How is this redirecting me? Just ask those questions, okay?
So the next time you catch yourself saying, I don't know how, I want you to stop and reframe that, and you're gonna ask, if I really want this, how would I find the answer?
Or if I really want this, what is one thing I could do to get started? Or where is one place I can go to get some more information?
Because success isn't about the resources you have, it's about how you [00:27:00] use them.
And if you wanna keep growing that muscle, keep showing up here every week. 'Cause I'm gonna keep giving you the tools and the different perspectives that you need to have to move from being stuck to just feeling unstoppable.
And if you're not already following me, follow me on YouTube at Starlit Success or Instagram at Starlit success.
And if this was helpful for you, share it with someone that you think it would help. Maybe you know, someone that's kind of getting in their own way. Maybe hearing this might help them take that next step. And if you're feeling generous, leave me a rating.
Drop me a dm. Let me know where you're getting stuck. I've made all these mistakes before. Like I've told myself I'm not ready, things aren't perfect. I need to wait. I'm scared of what people are gonna say. I'm guilty of them all.
As always. This is why I know this stuff is because I've lived it. I know how it feels. Been there, done that. So that's why I'm here to help you.
So thank you as always for spending your time with me today and your energy, and I hope to see you on the next episode.
Sunshine.
