EP21 - You Don't Need a Perfect Plan, You Need Clarity
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[00:00:00] You're like the stars in outer space. Something about you radiates. And it feels so nice, and it feels so nice, yeah
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Starlit Success Podcast. I am your host, as always, Jessica Gaines.
If I were to ask you right now, or if someone were to like pull you aside on the street and ask you to describe your dream life, I'm just curious if you would be able to would you know what that looked like?
Or would you need some time to think about it? Like are you already clear on what your dream life looks like or is it a little fuzzy
and I'm not talking like something vague, like I wanna be rich or I wanna live in a mansion or I wanna be happy, nothing like vague like that, but like an actual description of what that dream life looks like.
I want specifics. Not just oh, I don't wanna work an nine to five anymore. Okay. What do you want to do? Describe it to me. Describe it to yourself.
Where are you living or [00:01:00] who are you living with? What are you doing for a living?
What do your days look like? How does it feel? What do you know how to answer those questions?
have you even really put that much thought into it? , I know. I hadn't, I I hadn't for a very long time. I, I mentioned this on more than a few episodes by now, but I was just kind of drifting through life. I never really had any kind of true vision or like end destination of what I wanted my life to look like.
And I think that's the biggest mistake a lot of us make is like not really knowing what our goal is. what is our ultimate dream life I feel like we tend to live in like this wishful thinking, like we want a better life,
but we don't necessarily. Do anything about it. And a lot of the times I think it's because we don't really know exactly what it is that we want.
Eddie and I have done this so many times, I wish we could do this, very wishful, very dreamer, but also very passive.
We thought we had a vision. We thought that we [00:02:00] wanted more money, right? Very vague. We wanted to not have to work a nine to five. Again, very vague. We wanted to live in a much bigger, beautiful home. We wanted to live in a warm climate, very vague. We never really sat down to define what that truly looked like for us.
I think a lot of us do that. I think a lot of us want bigger and better, but we don't really identify specifically what it is and therefore it's harder to go after it.
We tend to go through life just kind of hoping and wishing that things will just happen. Like something will just fall out of the sky and randomly fall into our lap, and then we'll live happily ever after. We don't consciously make any choices or decisions to get to that ideal life , that we tell ourselves that we want, but we're not even clear on what it actually is.
So we end up following paths that have already been laid before us. Instead of [00:03:00] creating our own, instead of creating like this new trail to lead us to where it is that we wanna go, we follow all the other paths that have been laid by everyone else. So it's not unique to us. Which then results in us just again, living on kind of that autopilot mode, living in that Groundhogs Day , but we're not actually doing anything about it.
We continue to want something better. We want a better life. An easier life.
But because we haven't identified specifically what that is, it's kind of like If we refer back to episode 12, that is one of the five mistakes that we make when setting goals. If you set a goal that's too vague, then it's too fuzzy and you don't really know how to go after it, right?
It doesn't lead to action because you don't know what you're supposed to do ' cause you haven't clarified the vision. So then it just results in waiting. And then waiting attracts more waiting. 'cause you're in this like waiting energy you're not giving yourself any kind of like [00:04:00] momentum.
So then you start to get that like sense of drifting, like you're moving, but you're not really at the wheel.
I can tell you the days, I feel like the days can go really slow I've said this before, the years go so fast, And if you're not actively making steps towards the life that you want, you're just gonna keep getting more of the same life that you already have. And if your life is fine and you don't have any aspirations and you're good with where you are, then that's awesome. But if you want more out of life , then you have to get really clear about the specifics.
What it is that you actually want.
Let's look at life like, a basketball game because that is what I have a lot of, um, a lot of familiarity with. So let's say that your vision is to win the game, okay. But in order to win the game. You have to get in the game. in order to get in the game, you have to do well at practice.
And in order to do well at [00:05:00] practice, you have to show up to practice, right?
It is almost like you didn't show up for practice all week, but then you're mad that you don't even get in the game, so therefore you're not even able to contribute to winning the game. I hope this metaphor is making sense. It made sense when I wrote it, but now that I'm saying it out loud, I don't know if it does, but it's like, my point is if you're not practicing to get to the life that you actually want, but then you're mad when you never get put in the game, so then you're mad that you're not getting what you want.
That makes no sense. Like you have to have the clear vision in order to know how to show up to be able to even get in the game, to have a chance to win it. If you didn't assert your position, you didn't study the plays, you didn't put in the work, why would the coach put you in?
So if you're not working towards your dream life, if you're not working towards your goals, if you have no vision, if you have no [00:06:00] aspirations, then nothing is gonna change. You are not gonna just randomly fall into this amazing life that you really, really want if you're not really putting in the work.
Life can't create a vision for you, especially if you've never created it or worked on it yourself.
And I feel like part of the fun and excitement is in the action. It's in the planning. It's in the anticipation.
And I've, I've said this before about like planning a vacation. Do you just like wish you could go on vacation? Do you just like think about it and talk about it and never put any action? No. Once you think about it and you've gotten clear on the, the destination, then you start planning it and that's what's so fun about it.
You start looking at pictures and you start buying outfits you start looking at all the different like activities or restaurants or excursions that you could go on. The whole planning process is part of the joy
but again, you can't plan. You [00:07:00] can't take any action if you don't know where the you wanna go.
So I feel like this episode is gonna be really short 'cause I feel like I hit on this in a lot of other episodes, but I felt like I really needed to make one episode specifically for getting crystal clear on your vision,
List all of the things that you do want, that you want your perfect day or perfect outcome to look like.
If you're anything like me, I really wasn't that clear on what I wanted. I knew what I didn't want, and that can be helpful too. So you can list all of the things that you don't want, then that will get you clearer on what you do want. But you can start with things like, how do I want like my perfect day to look?
I think I have mentioned it in a previous episode, but I have this trusty little journal here. if you can't see me, I'm holding up a journal
but one of the, the actions that I took when I really got into my self development and [00:08:00] self discovery journey was like asking myself. What do I want? So in, another episode, I just recorded the one on, being a mom is not just your identity, it's more of a role. And I asked in this journal, I asked myself questions every day of who am I?
Well, I want you to ask, what do you want? what does your dream life look like? If you could have one day. Be the complete vision of what your dream life looks like. How does that day look? How do you start your day? How do you end your day? What are you doing in between? How are you feeling?
So let me ask myself, let me see what I, what did I write?
This was like my very, very beginner journal. So my perfect day here is very, very basic, which is okay, Give yourself some grace. Start with something super basic. So mine was waking up and enjoying breakfast with the family. after that it was walking the dog. [00:09:00] After that, it was being able to like tidy up the house, clean up the house, do laundry, and this is all just like on my own time.
And then after that, I wanted to be able to, I had four different things I have invest, create, inspire. And coach. So that was gonna be like the big chunk of my day. And then lastly, I have, go shopping or cook, I knew what I wanted, like a normal day to look like and it wasn't that extravagant.
But as you can see, it's like doing things that make me happy on my own time. But my other journal I have since elaborated quite a bit and it's like, where I'm living, what kind of house I detailed the house and what I want the house to look like.
I detailed where I want it to be, specifically the kind of climate, um, who's with us or who lives nearby, It got really, really detailed, but you can start with just kind of like an outline, kind of like a rough draft of , what does your dream life look like at a very basic level.
And once you have a [00:10:00] better idea of where you're going, I feel like your days become like a little bit lighter. and more empowered because now you have, you have somewhat of a target to go after, right? You're creating that more specific goal, so then your actions become clearer.
Like I said, you don't need to have everything figured out. You don't have to have the whole map, just the next step.
Then you, you feel like you're more in control, like you have some say over your life because you have a clear vision and you're taking action on top of it.
And when you're doing that, when you start taking the necessary steps, just one at a time, you start to build faith and you start to believe in yourself more.
You start to realize like, wow, I am a co-creator of my reality . I'm not just leaving it up to chance.
Your energy shifts from like sitting on the bench
hoping to get in the game, to mentally preparing to play because, you know, you put in all the work, you know, you showed up to practice, [00:11:00] you know all the plays
so now it's just a matter of when, so you feel better about yourself because
you build that belief, you build that confidence,
and I truly believe that. Like when you. Have this clear vision. Right, and I'm, I'm a big believer in visualization. when you can visualize what that, that dream life looks like and how you're feeling and where you're living and who's with you and what you're doing,
you're programming yourself. You're setting that destination in your mind, you're setting that, missile target, right? So you're programming your subconscious to know that this is where we wanna end up and. Also like when you're visualizing where you are, see yourself in that picture.
So see yourself in that house. See yourself, do your dream job or whatever it is that you wanna actually do? See yourself in it, because it'll teach your brain we don't have that yet, but this is what we're going after. And then it starts to reveal all of the [00:12:00] things that you need to do to get there.
It's like you're sending this unconscious energy to. The universe to God to the higher power because your subconscious is directly connected to that infinite intelligence. So then you start seeing like synchronicities, right?
You start this like manifestation process and then it starts to respond with. People with opportunities, with events that you didn't even really expect, but because you were clear on your vision and you're taking the action to go after it, the universe is like, oh, this is what they want.
They're doing everything that they need to do to get it. I'm gonna help them out. But if you're not clear on it then the universe doesn't know what to give you. The universe is fuzzy. Then they're like, I'm not sure what it is that you want. So how can I help you? I.
So I'll give you an example.
So for, for example, My oldest son wanted to go to school somewhere warm, [00:13:00] but he wasn't sure where, like he was kind of torn between Arizona and Florida, but it was like heavy, heavy emphasis on Arizona. For a while.
We as a family, decided years ago that wherever he ends up going to school, we were gonna relocate to, and we have family in Arizona. We have family in Florida. I always wanted Florida. For some reason I have this, this draw to Florida. Every time I've been in Florida, I've just felt like I was at home.
I've been to Arizona before and I just, I never got that feeling It was nice and everything, and like I said, we have family there and we had a great time while we were there, but I could never picture myself actually living there. I was willing to relocate there if that is where my son ended up going to school, and that's what he really wanted.
I was like, I'm, I'm willing to make that move So Javen is like set on Arizona, right? He really wanted to go to a ASU. I, I kept visualizing in my head what I saw my dream life looking like. I never told him this. This was all internal.
This [00:14:00] was all just going on in my own head. But one day I asked him like. So what is it? Did you wanna do Arizona or do you wanna do Florida? Like, what are you leaning towards? And he just kept saying, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So I'm like, I'm gonna walk him through like a guided meditation.
I didn't even plan for it at all. We were just sitting outside on the patio just talking like we normally do. I'm like, let's do a meditation. I want you to close your eyes. And I walk him through the process of him picturing. Getting on a plane. I'm like, you know your room is packed. You got accepted into the school.
We don't know where it is. You have your plane ticket, you're getting on the plane. And I kind of walked him through all the details of like all the sight and sounds and whatnot. I told him, you're on the plane. You fall asleep, and then you wake up. To the captain or the pilot saying, you know, how the pilot is always like, we are now, uh, what did they say?
We're starting our descent into blah, blah, blah. The temperature is 90 degrees. 'cause I'm like, that'll apply to [00:15:00] Florida or Arizona. Right? And we are descending into, and I left it blank and I was like, now open your eyes and tell me where we are
he did not even hesitate. He was like instantly Florida and after that moment, after that guided meditation, he was dead set on Florida. And I just thought that was so interesting because he was so set on Arizona before, and once we do the guided meditation, it automatically shifts to Florida.
And he is been pro Florida ever since. And I, I'm you guys, you know, I'm really spiritual. I feel like my visualizations had something to do with that. I kept picturing us in Florida. that was in my mind, right? I just, I felt it. I wrote it down. he didn't know any of that.
He didn't know what I was visualizing. He didn't know what I was writing in my journal. I never shared any of that with him because I wanted him to make an [00:16:00] authentic decision and I was gonna sacrifice myself for my kid as us moms always do, right. But I just thought it was so interesting. So, okay. I know I'm going off on a tangent here, but my point is the universe will respond to you and it can respond to you in ways you don't even expect, and it can respond to you through other people.
So getting clear on your own vision can actually manifest. Things from other people or other events, right? It's like the universe starts to reorganized things in your favor,
and then on top of the universe reorganizing things and events and people, your brain does that as well. So when you have this clear target, your brain will filter out. Opportunities to align with where you're going, it's almost like everything is conspiring to help you. Like everything just kind of falls in line and works in your favor.
But it can't do that unless it knows [00:17:00] exactly what it is that you want. Your, your mind can't do it, and the universe can't do it. So you have to send those signals out to attract that in.
So all you have to do is just make it specific enough, make your vision specific enough to know what the next steps are.
So for me, you know, when I got really clear on knowing what it is I wanted to do, like I wanted to help people break out of that, that nine to five daily grind mindset and realize that, you know, you are made for so much more. And it's like, how do I do that? How do I reach these people?
How can I at least just take these baby steps to getting to the point where I can actually help transform lives? And once I got really clear on that, that's when everything else started to fall into place. You know, I started to see, free events online or free, mentorships I would listen to podcasts and I would hear about, this NLP training and my, my brain [00:18:00] was just like, do, do, do, do, do.
Like looking for all of these opportunities that would get me closer to where it was that I wanted to go So then it's like I would do the little things like I started with the NLP certification and that's what kind of led me into creating my own podcast. And then it was just like baby step after baby step where I am now compared to where I was a year ago has drastically changed because I got clearer on my vision.
And if you're not really clear on what it is that you want, , at least get clear on how you want it to feel. That helps you understand what it is that you need to do next.
Even if you're not ready to start planning, getting a little clarity will help push you in the right direction
so maybe you can just start having conversations about it, or maybe just getting more curious about it. I've said this, quite a bit, but like when I was fuzzy, when I was feeling unfulfilled, when I didn't know what my next step was, I didn't really know what my dream life looked like.
I [00:19:00] just at least started getting curious about it, and I took the action to get clarity, and I started there.
And then when you start there, like when I started listening to podcasts, then you know, maybe someone on the podcast would mention a book. so then I would go buy the book and I would read the book, and then I would learn something else . It was like my path was unfolding with, even though I wasn't necessarily taking steps to plan my life, I was taking steps to get curious about what I wanted.
And it was almost like, um, like a treasure hunt, you know? It's like you take this step and then you learn this, and then you go over here and you learn that, and your path just starts to get clearer and clearer over time.
And then you're able to start building brick by brick just very, very slowly, so I started this journey somewhere around 2021, so we're in 2026 now,
it's taken me five years to get here, like it took a long time, which I'm hoping. To shorten that [00:20:00] time for you by delivering you all of this content.
But it took me a lot to get here. You know, I had to, to figure out who I was first, what I wanted, and I just had to get curious about the path that I was going on.
Because when I first had that feeling of like, something's gotta give, like I gotta make a change, but I had no idea what to do. That was the first step I needed. Like I just had to get curious about it and I had to be aware. If you would've asked me five years ago, like.
What is your vision? I would've told you all of the things that I don't want, which I've said before that can help, but by taking the necessary steps to get curious
it was like every little step that I took then I got a little bit more clear. A little bit more clear, a little bit more clear and I hope to help a lot of you on that journey as well. And not have it take you five years like it took me.
But just, you know, take baby steps. Spend a little time every day if you have no idea what you want, [00:21:00] just spend a little time each day getting curious. You know, start asking yourself some questions. Keep learning, keep watching content like this. Start visualizing
Where do you see yourself living?
How do you want it to feel?
Who's with you?
What are you doing? Start from the beginning of the day and go to the end of the day and like make a little perfect day itinerary. How does that actually look and pretend you're living it. Like how awesome does that feel?
And don't rush it. Don't rush it Trust the process. You know, the universe and God want you to win. So just have faith that it will unfold over time and just enjoy it. , It's a journey. It's not the destination, right? Treat it like you're on a cruise ship. the cruise ship is part of the whole experience. Yeah. You're gonna, dock somewhere and get off and explore, but you're also gonna enjoy the ride. So make it fun
So ask yourself What is my perfect day? What is my grand vision? Of how I want my life to look and write it down? If you don't know how to [00:22:00] achieve all of it at once, that's fine. Where can you start?
What does your dream life look like?
You've heard a little bit about mine I wanna have more freedom in my days. I wanna feel like I'm doing things on my own time. And I also wanna feel like I'm contributing more to the world. I've been a technical project manager for years, but to me I never felt that that was really changing the world in any kind of way. Like I wanted to impact people because I feel like people are at the core of everything, right? I wanna help transform people's lives and I wanna spend my days doing that because to me that sounds so fun.
And I almost forgot this one. So I talked a lot about visualizing, but I forgot. Meditate. You need to meditate. You need to clear out all the noise and just get quiet with yourself and allow the universe to kind of speak to you, clear all of that static out to be able to tune in to that frequency.
And I think I've mentioned this before, but that's when I got that bright idea. After I started [00:23:00] meditating for a while, that's when I heard that voice that was like, help Eddie with his music. And that's what kind of led me on this whole path of helping others. But I truly feel like if I wouldn't have started meditating, I don't think I would've gotten that like download because he's been doing music for 20 years and I never helped him before.
All of a sudden I got that when I started meditating. So I would say yes, meditate, visualize, write things down. Do some self discovery
and just take a little time each day to get clear on your vision get more curious and watch your life transform.
I wanna hear your visions. What is it that you want to be doing five years from now, 10 years from now? I am so interested in people and I'm just such a curious person. So tell me in the comments, send me a dm, tag me.
if you're not already following me on Instagram, you can find me at Starlit success or on YouTube at Starlit Success. Share this with someone who you think needs to hear it. and if you [00:24:00] haven't already, please rate me. That helps. Get this in the hands of people who need it.
So thank you for spending your time and energy with me today. I hope to see you on the next episode.
You're so so bright, brighter than the sunshine
