EP24 (Final) Life Changing Lessons: (#2) Why Nothing Feels Right Until You Find Your Purpose
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[00:00:00] You're like the stars in outer space. Something about you radiates. And it feels so nice, and it feels so nice, yeah
Welcome back to another episode of the Starlit Success podcast. I am your host, as always, Jessica Gaines. And if you are continuing to follow this little miniseries, if you were here last week, we talked about letting go of the story that's been keeping you stuck.
And this lesson really just kind of builds on that because I feel like even if you change your story, even if you let that old story go, you've adopted a new one, you can still end up chasing the wrong things. And again, ask me how I know. I've made this mistake. Been there, done that. I've done all of these things.
. So you have this new story, you have this new belief, right? You start to open up your mind to what's actually out there and what you can achieve.
And you realize anything is possible for you, you start to feel motivated.
So maybe you tried a few things, and they didn't really turn out the way that you thought they would.
[00:01:00] This is the part of my journey where things got a little clunky for me. I thought, " Oh, I've got, this new story. I, I, I believe in myself. I know I can chase my dreams," but then I'm just chasing all the wrong things.
There was a lot of starting and stopping, a lot of confusion. wasn't really clear on what I needed to do.
I was starting to question myself. I was starting to question my discipline.
And it didn't feel good, you know? It's like you finally let go of this old story, you finally have this belief in yourself, and then you hit another roadblock.
So in this episode, I wanna talk you through the next major shift that has to happen in order for you to actually be able to pursue your dreams. this is what honestly shifted everything for me. I mean, having this new story and having the belief in myself, obviously you need that to get started, otherwise if you don't believe in yourself, you're not gonna, you're not gonna start anything.
But this is what keeps you going.
This is like that [00:02:00] battery in your back that makes you go no matter what.
And that is just this understanding that if you're only chasing money, or you're only chasing convenience, or easy opportunities or things that worked for other people, you're still gonna end up stuck. You're still gonna end up unfulfilled.
And how when you combine your purpose with your passion, that is the secret sauce. That is what makes you unstoppable.
And that is something I had to learn the hard way. And I told you guys, I don't like learning the hard way. I don't wanna learn the hard way, and I don't want you to learn the hard way, so I'm trying to make it easier for you. that's one of the biggest mistakes that I made just chasing money. I just saw opportunities and was like, "Oh, this looks like a good opportunity.
This looks lucrative. This looks like something I could do. Let me try it." So whatever looked good or whatever looked like it might fit my natural talents, or my, my genuine interests, I would try it. What I didn't pay attention to, what I was [00:03:00] always looking at what looked good on the outside, what someone else was already doing, something that didn't necessarily align with who I truly was.
Maybe, maybe it was something that I had some interest in, but it wasn't something that really, really, filled me up. So I had mentioned previously the real estate tax investing. which turned out to be so freaking boring. I mentioned the, the whole social media influencer. I still kind of giggle at that. no, no knock on anyone else doing it, but for me, I started to feel like a, like a circus clown, like I was performing for everyone every day, and I, didn't like that.
Um, the Airbnb, that one genuinely scared me. I didn't wanna go into debt just to buy a property and start something I had no idea what I was doing.
But anyway, all of the things that I tried worked for other people, and I'm sure they work for many people, but I discovered that it wasn't aligned with me. It wasn't something that I truly wanted to do. And I wasn't taking the time to get to know myself. I was just like, "Oh, [00:04:00] okay, anything's possible.
I believe in myself. Let me just try everything," and then flop, and then right back to square one over, and over, and over again.
But had I taken the time, and I did eventually, years later, but had I taken the time right away to get to know myself and to look inward and figure out, what truly lights me up, what do I really love? Like, who am I? What is something that I can stick with long-term?
But, you know, I try not to beat myself up too much 'cause a lot of people do this. we want safety. We naturally wanna be safe. So if we can see something that's working for someone else, and it's already a proven path to success, then why wouldn't we wanna try that? That seems a lot easier than trying to dig up who we are, learn about who we are, and then take a risk on something that maybe hasn't been proven yet.
But now, looking back, it's kind of crazy if you think [00:05:00] about it that we think betting on ourselves is riskier than going to work for someone that we barely even know.
Isn't that crazy? Society says, you know, going to work for a company is the standard way to go. But if you wanna do something on your own then, oh, you better have a backup plan. How are you gonna guarantee that's gonna work? But it's yourself. You're betting on yourself. Anyway, I'm gonna go on a tangent there.
But what I learned the hard way is that just chasing opportunities, chasing money, things that look good, things that just look fun, things that look easy to start, those are the ones that usually that don't stick.
And what I discovered in my own journey is they just get old after a while. The, the excitement fades.
They don't bring you the fulfillment that maybe you were looking for.
to me it's like if it's not firing you up, if it's not exciting you, and then on top of it, if you don't have a bigger why behind it, .. it's not serving you any kind of purpose, what [00:06:00] tends to happen is you, you end up just creating another job for yourself.
It just ends up starting to feel like work.
And maybe, maybe you are successful with it. Unlike me, maybe you find some success with it, but I feel like over time, it's probably just not gonna feel good.
And then you wonder why it didn't feel like you thought it would. You know, I did. I wondered. I'm like, "Why doesn't this feel like good? I feel like This is just one more thing I have to do now. This isn't feeling any better than what I'm doing at my nine to five every day."
what is the point of trying that if you're feeling the same way? It's kind of pointless, right?
And like, like me if you're not making money, you're not feeling good about it, it's a lot easier to quit It's a lot easier to quit when you're not seeing any results and when it feels like work every day.
But what I find so interesting is that doing this, doing the podcast, creating all of this content, [00:07:00] inspiring all of you, coaching all of you through this, I don't make any money. I'm not making any money. In fact, I'm spending money to do this. And not only am I spending money, I'm spending money, I'm spending time, I'm spending my energy, my focus, and I'm not getting anything back in the form of, like compensation,
but it's the way it makes me feel. I am so much happier doing this than I was doing any of the things that actually brought me money. I thought that if I followed money, that money equals freedom, and that freedom equals happiness. And that I learned is not actually true. You create your own happiness by doing what you love every day.
And I, God, I hope everybody finds that, when you do something that you love and you have that sense of purpose and that, that bigger why, something beyond yourself, you're going to push through challenges. You know, I continue to face [00:08:00] challenges with this, but it's so much easier to overcome.
And I never understood that until now. When I faced challenges in the other things that I pursued, I tended to quit. I gave up. It was too hard. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it to me. Like, it's already feeling like I'm forcing it, and now I'm facing all these challenges on top of it? Next, I'm done.
it, it just, it has to feel aligned. It has to feel right, and that's not something that anyone will know but you.
When you're able to combine both, when you have something that you just absolutely love to do, and it just brings you so much fulfillment, it's like your baby Right? I think I've used this before, this analogy before. And when you have a baby or a puppy or just something that you really care about, it's not always gonna be easy.
It's not always gonna be easy, but you love it so much that you do whatever it takes to make sure that not only does it survive, but that it thrives.
And when you have found this, when you have [00:09:00] found your passion and your purpose,
and when you've been able to marry them together, you start to feel so much more alive.
And for me, like I, I don't feel like I'm working for the weekend anymore. Like, I used to work i- and like you guys know, I still work a nine-to-five. I don't feel like that anymore. I'm not like, "Oh, I can't wait for the weekend," because, the stress that I feel in my nine-to-five or the, the issues that I might go through nine- in my nine-to-five don't take up as much space as they used to because i'm in creation mode. I'm in, alignment with what I wanna be doing. So yes, I'm able to separate the two.
I'm able to kind of dissociate from it in a sense because . I know I have that baby to come home to to work on.
I feel like when you have such a bigger vision and you have this faith that there is something bigger for you out there, those stressful moments, they don't occupy as much real estate in your head as they [00:10:00] used to.
the annoying coworker or the person who cut you off on the road, that unexpected bill, you don't really care as much, right? They don't affect you like they used to. .. Your vision has just become so big.
When you're in that creation mode, when you're building something that you're proud of, that naturally just keeps you in that, that state of flow and that high frequency that you're trying to attract in.
I'm not saying that it's gonna be unicorns and rainbows all the time.
But I am saying that you won't care as much about the small stuff anymore.
This was definitely the hardest lesson for me to learn, but by far the most transformative. And the things that I can tell you are start by noticing what already comes naturally to you, because your passion and your purpose are likely already showing up in some way, but you just haven't really tuned into what it is yet.
for me, and for a lot of people that I've seen, it's likely something that you're already doing, but you don't think that it is special [00:11:00] because it comes so naturally to you. And it's, it's probably something that you're just so good at without even trying that it doesn't even feel like a skill. So for example, mine, what I never,, I never considered a skill was People coming to me for advice.
I always have people coming to me, not only just for advice, but people were a- always coming to me to talk to me. I remember at one of my jobs, I used to complain about it actually, which I kind of feel bad now. I would always have people at my desk, and I would be like, "Gosh, that's so rude. How do they not know that I have a meeting starting in five minutes or I've got work to do," right?
I always had people at my desk. And then I started a new job, and the same thing was happening, and I was really busy. I always had meetings and stuff, but people were always at my desk, And it was usually just to talk, just, "Hey, how is it going?" And to tell me about what's going on with them.
And then I remember one night I went to dinner with my mom and dad, and I was, I guess, kind of [00:12:00] complaining about it. I'm like, "Oh my God, I always have people at my desk. I have so much work to do, and they don't even look at my schedule. They don't even see that I have a meeting starting in five minutes, it's so time-consuming."
And then I sat there, and my parents are just looking at me. They don't even say anything yet. They didn't even s- react. And I'm like, " Oh my God, I'm the problem." Not in a bad sense. Like, I wasn't a problem, but I was the common denominator. Like, what are the chances that you've worked now at two, three different jobs and this continuously happens?
People are gravitating to me because they feel comfortable with me. They feel safe maybe with me. They like talking to me. So when I say that, I say that because , I like to talk to p- I love people. I love talking to people. I love giving them advice. I love connecting with people.
But I never thought of it as something that I could pursue in this kind of a fashion, in this setting
And I didn't, I didn't get it until I was always talking to my friends. I was always telling them [00:13:00] about all the stuff that I learned, right? I would tell them like, oh, I just learned about this in my training, or I just learned about this in a book that I read and they would kind of glaze over.
And I'm like, okay, they're not interested in this. I feel like someone's got to be interested. So again, it was something that I naturally, it came naturally to me. I just wanted to talk about it and I wanted to share it, but I wasn't sharing it with the right people. So now I found my people. My mom is another good example.
my mom always loved being a homemaker. When we were kids, she loved cooking, baking, cleaning, organizing, taking care of plants, like all the, all the mom stuff that moms do. But she like loved it. Like I, I do all of that stuff, but I I definitely don't love cooking. I definitely don't like cleaning.
I don't have any plants. , That's just not my jam. But what she did is she actually worked for the public school system for over 30 years and she did a complete career pivot maybe seven years ago. I actually want to have her on the podcast one of these days because she [00:14:00] has been a big source of my inspiration because I think she was 57 when she completely started over and she completely shifted careers.
And to me, that is, that's amazing. Like that's a scary thing to do. Not everyone is capable of that, but she, she completely transformed what she was doing. I mean, she was working with food in a public school system which is kind of, kind of ties to her, her natural talents and what she loves as far as taking care of people and feeding them.
But she shifted into being like a caregiver for the elderly, not necessarily like in a medical way, but like being their companion,, helping them with shopping, taking care of their home, cooking meals, that kind of thing, going on walks. , It's who she is. That's what she loves and that's what she's good at.
And she didn't even have to try. It's not something that she even has to put any effort And now she makes money doing it, which is so inspiring that you can make money doing something that you love. And again, [00:15:00] it brings her purpose. She feels so fulfilled by improving the quality of these people's lives.
So reference, episode 19. Start asking yourself some questions. Start asking, who are you? if you listen to that episode, not who are you as far as what roles do you play in life, but who are you inside? What lights you up?
what do you want and why do you want it?
Start to learn about what you actually value in life. Think about the things that you're curious about. Think about . What do you have fun doing? You just need to get to know yourself on a deeper level and understand the level of impact that you wanna make and maybe the problems that you care about solving.
So this week, just start paying attention to what actually energizes you.
Not just what looks good, not just what you see someone else doing, but what feels right to you.
Another really good one is, what is something that you can do where you just get lost in? [00:16:00] Like, time just disappears. For me, i've learned that I've loved learning. I was always a good student in school, but now looking back, I realize I was a good student, but I wasn't learning the things that I wanna learn.
Now I'm learning the things that I actually want to learn, and I want to help other people learn it in a much easier and more relaxed way than going to a classroom all day.
What conversations excite you? What are things that you can just yap about? Like, th- stuff, I obviously have a lot to say. I got a lot of thoughts. I wanna talk about them to anyone that's gonna listen, and it's not always my friends and family. So what can you just go on and on and on and on about? I'm looking at my list here. Oh, here's another one. What do people naturally come to you for? a-ask your, ask your people, like, "Hey, if you had to come to me for something, like if you needed help with something, what would you come to me for?"
People were always coming to me for advice or just someone to listen.
What are some things that people ask you a lot of questions about? [00:17:00] Maybe they, they know you're kind of like the person to come to whenever X happens. What is that?
And I'm not saying that you have to have it all figured out yet. again, this is a process, but just start noticing some of these things. Notice if there's any patterns.
So stick with me in the next episode.
We're gonna talk about something that can completely derail you if you're not careful.
And that is how you're using your time and how most people, I was one of them again, we just don't have enough of it. And how I'm gonna tell you that's not actually true. You have more than So thank you for spending your time and energy with me today. Let me know your thoughts. Hit me up on Instagram.
Follow me on YouTube @ starlitsuccess. And if you're feeling generous, leave me a review. The more engagement, the more follows, the more shares, the more reviews, that helps get this podcast in front of people that need it the most.
So until next time, I will see you on the next episode
[00:18:00] So bright
