EP25 (Final) Life Changing Lessons: #3 - The Real Reason You Never Have Enough Time
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[00:00:00] You're like the stars in outer space. Something about you radiates. And it feels so nice, and it feels so nice, yeah
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Starlit Success podcast. I am your host as always, Jessica Gaines.
And if you've been following along this little miniseries, we have been talking about letting go of the story that keeps you stuck. , Or letting go of the limiting beliefs that you have.
And also how aligning with your purpose and your passion is really what makes you unstoppable.
But another thing that I've learned, because I keep sharing all of my, my big lessons, is even after letting go of the story that has been keeping you stuck wherever you are, and even after discovering and even pursuing your purpose and your passion,
It can still be really easy to stay stuck if you're not being super conscious with how you're spending your time.
Because once I got those two lessons figured out, then I was like, "How the hell am I gonna have time to actually do this?" how can I [00:01:00] even make this work?
of course, I told myself what most of us tell ourselves is, "I don't have the time right now. I'll start it next year."
But I remember one day I just had this really shitty day, and this was after I already decided in my mind that I would start all of this next year. I- don't ask me why next year. I just, like I said, I just didn't think that I had the time right now. But then I realized, what is gonna be so different about next year?
Is more time just gonna magically appear out of thin air?
, And then that made me think of my son's AAU basketball league. So the name of the league was 24 Up, and at first I kinda thought that was a weird name.
But then we went to one of those kickoff meetings of the season, and I heard the owner talk about the name and the reason behind the name.
The owner's message was all about just being smart with your time and being focused on your goals. 24 Up, stands for 24 hours in a day and unlimited potential.
And it's basically just that everyone has the same 24 [00:02:00] hours in the day, and your potential is dependent upon how you use that time.
So you might have some kids stay up all night the day before a tournament playing video games or hanging out with their buddies, and then you might have some kids who are, really focused on what they're eating, and getting the proper rest and recovery, and getting enough sleep.
And that message stuck with me because I thought about it, like, it doesn't really matter how talented you are. Because you could have two super talented players, and one of them is using their time so much more wisely than the other, and that's the player that's gonna be more successful.
I was also thinking about there's some people that I've encountered in my life who are extremely talented, I mean so talented, but they just, they don't use their time wisely, so they haven't really made it. And if you can't see me, I'm doing air quotes.
because it all comes down to how you're using your time.
So in this episode, I wanna talk about this third major shift that really just changed so much for [00:03:00] me, and how often we tend to move through our days unconsciously
and completely unaware of where our time is actually going. And also how I learned to become not only extremely intentional with my time, but honestly a lot more creative with it.
Because like I did, I think a lot of us just convince ourselves that we don't have the time.
We think we're too busy, you know, especially if, you're working, and if you're a working parent, . You've got your full-time job. You've got your kids to take care of. Maybe your kids are in sports like mine, so you're juggling their schedules. You've got a house to take care of.
You've got pets to take care of. You've got a social life. Like, where is this time gonna come from?
Some days I felt like I had barely enough time to even think about myself.
So I was just thinking, how could I possibly go after something so big
That is only going to require even more time that I believed I didn't have? But now having that awareness and looking back, I [00:04:00] realized I did have the time. I just wasn't using it wisely.
I wasn't paying attention to how much time I was spending on things that didn't really improve my life.
And another thing that I noticed is that I was consuming a lot of my time instead of creating it or creating with it.
And of course, if, if you work a 9:00 to 5:00, if you're a busy parent like I, get it.
I know you have a lot going on. Believe me, I know.
But I realized after becoming more intentional with my time, we all do have little pockets of time to work with.
But the question is: What are we doing with them?
And I can tell you, once I started becoming more aware of my time, I realized how much time I was spending on the things that a lot of us spend our time on. I was watching Netflix. I was scrolling on my phone, checking out Facebook or Instagram or whatever else.
I was watching the news. I was doing online shopping. We tend to just fill the space with something, right?
And listen, don't get me wrong, like, I love a [00:05:00] good comedy special here and there. I even love a good binge once in a while. I'm not perfect.
I still scroll. I do all of these things still. I'm not saying that you can never do those things,
but how much of it is just you living on autopilot versus it being, like, a conscious choice that that is your time to do the scrolling or do the binging?
And that's the scary thing is when you spend enough of your life living on autopilot,
you stop actively building your life. You're just reacting to it.
And one thing I've noticed, maybe you feel the same way, when you spend a lot of your free time consuming, especially if it's social media, it can actually make you feel more stuck or worse about yourself. Because oftentimes, you know what I'm saying, like when you are on Facebook or Instagram or whatever, it's, it's the highlight reel.
You're seeing how great everyone's doing, how amazing their life is, what vacation they just went on, the new car that they bought, like . all of these amazing things that are happening to everyone else.
so you're [00:06:00] becoming more aware of what you want by doing that, but you're not actively doing anything about it. You're not any closer to having it because all you're doing is consuming it.
And that is how drifting happens without you even realizing it.
and it probably starts with just a few days, just a few weeks, and then before you know it, years go by, and then you discover more time never actually appeared.
And waiting for the right time might not really seem like a big deal at first.
You might even think that you're doing yourself a favor by relieving some of that pressure to do anything right now. Until later on when you realize how much of your life you have postponed waiting for the right time.
and another thing that I've learned is that Procrastination tends to have a way of killing a dream before it even had a freaking chance.
, And one of the reasons that I think that happens is because when you have a new idea or some new [00:07:00] inspiration and you're like, "Oh, my God, I wanna start this thing," or, "I'm gonna take this course," or, "I'm gonna take this trip," or, or whatever it is that you wanna do,
but the longer you sit on it, the more you talk yourself out of it? And then as you talk yourself out of it, then the more you just stay where you are?
You lose that initial excitement when you put something off.
but think about time. What is time actually made up of? Life. Life is made up of time.
You're literally spending more of your life waiting.
- Think about it like withdrawing money from your 401early. in the moment, it might not seem like a big deal,
but what you're actually doing is you're taking money from your future self,
And you're losing all of that compound interest growth that would have happened had you started earlier.
but the thing is, you can always put more money back into your grow it. But with your life, you can't put more time [00:08:00] back into your future.
And that's what can really hurt, when you get to the future and you realize whatever it was that you wanted to do wasn't because you couldn't do it, it was just because you didn't.
Researchers have found that we tend to treat future time as though it's like a unlimited resource and that we'll magically just have more of it later. But we know reality is life rarely gets less busy.
There's always gonna be another responsibility, another thing to do,
another reason to wait.
There's always gonna be that other season that just requires more of you
And I also learned that there is something called the law of diminishing intent. So I did not cover this in the universal laws episode. But I did discover that it is a law. It's a thing.
so basically what it means is the longer that you wait to take action, the less likely you are to follow through at all. when you delay something, that emotional connection to it fades. And it's, not because you're lazy. , some people even say if you don't take action within the first 48 [00:09:00] hours of you feeling inspired, the chances of you ever following through drop dramatically.
.. And another thing that I learned is that part of that comes from something called tempruhl discounting, which is basically our brain prioritizing immediate comfort over long-term rewards.
And honestly, I think that's partly why passive habits can be so dangerous too,
because it's really easy to unconsciously spend your time Instead of using it towards building the life that you want.
So stop waiting for time to just magically appear,
and start becoming more intentional and creative with the time that you already have.
If your dreams matter so much to you, stop treating them like they're optional. You have to make time for them.
Because really, I mean, at the end of the day, you make time for things that are important, right? Do you ever not have time to take care of your kids or spend time with loved ones?
No because [00:10:00] you love them, you care about them, you prioritize them. Your dreams are no different.
, So just start treating your dreams, your growth, your goals with that same level of importance.
start becoming the creator of your time instead of being the consumer of it.
And all that means is just stop letting your days happen to you, and start thinking about how you want to use them.
And I get, like, all of our lives look different, but at the end of the day, we all get the same 24 hours, so it's all about just what you're doing with it.
I realized time actually works a lot like money. You can either spend it or invest it into the life that you really want So the same way that you could spend an extra $100 on a new pair of shoes or invest it and have it grow for you over time.
If you have an extra hour to yourself, you could either use that hour scrolling on your phone, watching TV or whatever, escaping the life that you already [00:11:00] have or you could spend that hour learning something new.
, building the life that you really want.
Because one difference between time and money is once time is gone, you can't make any back. It's, it's gone.
I heard something not too long ago, it said, " Pretend life is like a book that you're reading where you can never turn back the page. How much more careful would you read each page if you know you could never turn it back?"
that's how we should look at life.
that really changed how I viewed looking at my days because I realized my future is being built in what I'm doing right now. Uh, wherever you are now, everything that you did up until now is what got you here.
But the good news is it doesn't have to be hours and hours every day. You can start with something really small.
Small, consistent steps are what changes your life.
And every little small pocket of time can either move you closer to the life that you want or keep [00:12:00] you exactly where you are
, When you grasp this, when you realize that you are the creator of your time, you have more time than you believe, you can start using it more wisely. You can start using it to build the life that you want.
You stop feeling like a victim to your schedule, and you start feeling more control of your life.
And then when you're using your time more consciously, you start feeling like you're making progress you know how you always feel like you're busy, but you don't feel like you're actually doing anything? It's because you're being unconscious with your time.
I've been there, I know. I know the feeling. and you know when you make progress on something, it feels good.
And then, of course, you build trust with yourself Because you're finally following through on things that you say matter to you.
It becomes a lot easier to stay consistent when you know you're doing things on purpose instead of just reacting to your circumstances.
And I'm, of course, I say this all the time, but the more consistent you become, the more confidence and momentum you build.
and then you start [00:13:00] building skills, habits, discipline, all things that you didn't even think that you had before.
You start to become more productive without feeling like you're always overwhelming yourself.
And I bet you, you surprise yourself with realizing how much you actually can get done once you stop wasting so much mental and emotional energy on things that are not moving your life forward.
and when you stop putting things off, you shift from constantly thinking about your dream to actually building it.
And obviously, if you create just a little bit more time in each day towards working on your goals or working on your dreams,
you dramatically increase the chances of you reaching them.
You start to feel like your life has some direction again.
And then your dream starts to feel real because you're giving it your time, you're giving it your attention, you're giving it your energy, instead of just wishing for it someday.
so all you have to do is start by making the decision that it's important enough to take action on it now. Not [00:14:00] someday, not when life calms down.
Just take one small step instead of waiting.
So write the idea down, sign up for the thing
Make the post, research the business idea, whatever it is.
Start looking for little tiny pockets of time that you can use. Even if it's 20 minutes a day, if you spend 20 minutes a day on something, that adds up if you do it repeatedly.
Think about, like, if you were just gonna clean your house. If you spend 20 minutes a day cleaning a new area of your house, how clean would your house be?
another tip is habit stack wherever you can. So this is something that I do and I learned in the very beginning of my journey, You can stack things onto each other. So for example, one thing, you've heard me say a million times, I started listening to podcasts while I was driving, while I was showering, while I was folding laundry.
So some of those mindless activities I was doing, I was learning while I was doing them.
and doing this is what actually helped me reprogram my brain. By constantly feeding myself this [00:15:00] information over and over and over, that's what helped me let go of that initial story that I was telling myself.
So just start replacing a lot of your consumption time With learning or with creating or with building something. So less, like, mindless activities and more intentional growth..
Another option to create more time is honestly, what are some things you can say no to? Do you have to do every single thing that you're being asked to do? I've turned down quite a bit of things to make time for this.
lower priority events, commitments that feel kind of draining.
So basically, anything that's not providing you a lot of value or things that aren't meaningful to you, what are some things that you could say no to there? and where in your life can you make things a little bit easier on yourself? Is there anything that maybe you can automate?
One thing that I did was I started just doing online grocery ordering. So this way I save hours and hours and hours every month going to the grocery store. If you think about the time that it [00:16:00] takes to drive there, to walk throughout the entire store, to put everything on the belt, to take everything off the belt, to put everything in the car, to take everything out of the car, I mean, that's hours.
Now, I do my grocery shopping from my bed, usually laying in bed at night, or like just in between things throughout the day. Now I have the ability to check my fridge, check my pantry. I know what we're out of. I actually save a lot of money doing it that way too. But what are some things that you can do differently that would save you a bunch of time?
there anything that you can automate, that you can simplify in some way?
some of those little conveniences are honestly so life-changing because you don't even realize how much time you get back.
And then ask for help. I mean, sometimes I feel like we think we have to do everything ourselves. I mean, I was this person for so long until I realized, you know what? If I ask somebody for help, they'll help me. I just have to ask.
So whether that's Cleaning, running errands, planning things, whatever [00:17:00] it is. Can someone else take a few things on?
Someone else might even enjoy the task even more than you do.
So we need some painting done in the house. We're getting our house ready to list for, for leasing, and it needs, like, a bunch of touch-up painting. But I'm like, "I, I just don't have it in me. I don't have the time." Or I shouldn't say I don't have the time, I could make the time, but to me, that's not a valuable use of my time.
That is not something that I enjoy doing, but my best friend's husband is a painter. He could do that so much quicker, and I'll just pay him. So whatever time it would take me to do it, it would probably take him half the time, and it's gonna turn out way better.
So where in your life can you just ask for help with things,
also, work with your life. Don't sit here and build your dreams while you're compromising the life that you're living now. So what I'm saying is, don't put so much focus on your dreams that you're putting things that mean something [00:18:00] to you on the back burner.
So I still cook dinner. I still take my kids places that they wanna go. I still go to all of their basketball games. For me, sacrificing things that matter to me was not worth going after my dreams.
The whole point of chasing your dreams is to create a better life. Most of us want more freedom, more balance, more fulfillment. So you just have to learn to work with the time that you already have.
Especially if you're a working mom. So a few things that I did is I would brainstorm ideas I had on the way to sporting events
I brought my laptop on the road to the AAU tournaments. if they were really far, like Indiana, Iowa, I would bring my laptop with me and I would do things in the hotel room between breaks. 'Cause oftentimes we would have a couple hours in between. So rather than just, like, laying in bed and watching TV, I would complete some of my training.
another thing I did is at the roller skating rink, So my son, [00:19:00] my youngest son loves to go roller skating, and one of the conditions is a chaperone has to stay with him. So I just brought a notebook, and I wrote all my website copy at the roller skating rink. So I was just gonna be sitting there for hours anyway.
He's off running around with his friends. I'm gonna maximize the time that I have.
So just get creative. Where can you get creative? Where can you find these little pockets of time to invest in your future?
You probably have a lot more time than you think. You just haven't been taught to see it that way yet.
So just a quick recap. Stop waiting for more time and start using the time that you already have. Take a small step now, even if it's really small. Habit stack wherever you can.
Say no to things that are not completely aligned with your priorities. Simplify and automate wherever you can.
Ask for help instead of trying to do everything on your own.
Do not sacrifice what matters to you in the process.
And most importantly, just become more intentional and creative with the time that you already have.
So [00:20:00] this week, I want you to become aware of where your free time is actually going.
So write down five to 10 things that are taking up most of your time besides work and, like, your regular responsibilities
Don't judge yourself or feel guilty. Just start with having some awareness. Start there.
Because honestly, if you wanna change your life, you have to be aware of how you're spending it first.
So you're gonna kinda look at that and look at the areas that I'm spending my time, what parts are actually helping me move toward the life that I want, and what areas are actually pulling me away from it?
And I bet you once you start tracking your time, you're gonna realize it's not the fact that you don't have time.
You will start to realize that your dream life is built in these tiny little pockets of time that you didn't think you had.
And this leads perfectly into next week's episode
because we're gonna talk about how massive change does not come from massive effort.
I feel like a lot of us think we need this major transformation overnight. - But in reality, it's the, the small [00:21:00] choices, it's the tiny habits, it's those small actions that you repeat every day that completely change your life over time.
So I hope this helped you. I hope you realize that you are the creator of your time. - I hope you find so much time in your days, and I hope you use them wisely. And if this episode helped you, please consider rating the show. And if you're not following me already, please follow me at Starlit Success YouTube or on Instagram.
And I wanna thank you for spending your time and energy with me today, and I hope to see you on the next episode
So bright
