EP30 (Final) The Messy Middle (#4) Scared Doesn't Mean Stop
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[00:00:00] You're like the stars in outer space. Something about you radiates. And it feels so nice and it feels so nice, yeah
Welcome back to the Starlit Success podcast. I am your host, Jessica Gaines. And if you are still following along this little miniseries on the messy middle, we're still talking about all the mess that we're in right now with this major relocation. Last week, we talked about how hard it was to share the news of the move with some people, and how wildly different their reactions were, and how some weren't exactly the most supportive.
But this week I wanna talk about the wide range of emotions this move has brought up for me. You know, people have asked throughout this whole process, "Are you sad?" . there were times where I actually felt guilty for not feeling sad because I've just been so excited. But I'd say the last few weeks that has changed quite a bit and it has turned into kind of a joke when people ask, " How are things going?"
or, "How are you feeling?" [00:01:00] And the response is, " Pretty bipolar, to be honest." I mean, there was a point where I was telling Eddie that I was having good Florida days and bad Florida days because there were some days that I, I was just so excited. You know, I was looking up beaches and restaurants and all of the different, parks and things that we could do and how far was it to drive to Miami or Orlando or the Keys and that kind of thing.
And then there's days where it's maybe gloomy here or something, and all I can think about is how sad I am and how, , holidays aren't gonna be the same and how we're not gonna have snow for Christmas and just things like that
But I'd say over the last couple weeks, I've been a lot more emotional than I have been this whole year, and I think a lot of it has to do with Javen graduating and just the emotions of him moving on and leaving the nest and that kind of thing. , It's the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another So it's really, I mean, it's bittersweet.
All of it's bittersweet
I think it actually makes it harder the time [00:02:00] of year that we're moving because it's summertime, and summertime in Wisconsin is super fun. we play volleyball, we do a lot of parties and cookouts, and we do camping, and we see our friends so much more in the summer than we do in the winter.
So it just makes it that much harder that we're gonna be missing out on that extra time that we normally would have with them
But then I also think about we're going to be able to spend time with family that we have down in Florida that we've barely ever seen. So it's like, , we're kind of trading the people that we have had all of this time with and made all these memories with for new memories with family that we haven't been able to do that with
It's just a really weird combination of feelings because it feels like I'm actively grieving our old life while at the same exact time I'm super excited for the new one If that makes any sense
it's odd though because it makes you wonder, you know, when you have those really sad days or those days where you're really scared or you're [00:03:00] stressed, you start to wonder like, "Am I making the right decision?" Should I be doing this?"
I think naturally it's really easy to mistake those feelings of, you know, being scared or being sad or any kind of negative emotion as signs that maybe we shouldn't move forward. Maybe we are making a mistake.
Maybe this isn't the path that we're supposed to be on
for us, like, it's not like we've had a bad life here. We've had a great life here. We've started so many traditions with our kids and our family and our friends. we're not leaving because we're unhappy with any of that.
and sometimes it feels like, you know, maybe we're letting them down or we're abandoning them
And if you've been listening along, there's also days where I've been completely stressed out, completely overwhelmed at, how much is involved in the logistics of the move itself. So with all of these emotions kind of floating around, it can be difficult to process
But if you've followed me for the last, I don't know, 30, I think we're at 30 episodes today, you know I talk a lot about paying [00:04:00] attention to your emotions and using them as, like, your compass in life
Chazzy decided to join us. Lay down
and don't get me wrong, I still truly believe that your emotions are what you should follow. I think it's a lot easier to pay attention to your emotions than it is sometimes to listen to your logical brain sometimes we can live so much in our head that your body tends to know the answer before your brain does
But what I have been feeling is that sometimes we can confuse listening to all of our emotions as our guide
which is super confusing if you have a wide range of emotions from excitement to sadness. What are you supposed to listen to?
But I think the mistake that we can make is assuming that if we're making the right decision, that it's just gonna feel good throughout the whole process, and that couldn't be further from the truth
I like to look at it as, if you've ever owned a house and ever done any major renovation projects, you can kind [00:05:00] of understand how this feels. our last house, we completely gutted our bathroom, our kitchen, and our basement. And initially, it was so exciting. It was like
, "Oh, we're gonna have this brand-new room," and, "Oh, this is how I wanna decorate it." And I'm on Pinterest, and I'm saving all of these different pins, and picking up paint colors, and fixtures, and all kinds of stuff, and just having that vision of how nice it's gonna look and how much more functional it's gonna be.
And then you actually start the project, right? So that initial feeling of excitement to take on this thing and create this new change, from that to the work of it, and having contractors in and out of your house, and your room not being functional. you're living in a construction zone. for the kitchen, we were doing dishes in the bathtub.
We didn't have a stove for, like, three weeks. There were days contractors didn't show up at all. There were times where the contractors were there for weeks longer than they should [00:06:00] have been. There were times where things just didn't get done, or they were done wrong, and I had to have them redo it.
I'm not gonna lie, I broke down in tears throughout at least two of those projects on more than one occasion. at the time, I thought that, like, "Should I have even done this?" Like, "Was this a mistake? Should I have just painted and gotten some new decorations or something?" Like, "Why did I do this?" But we got through it, and we had a beautiful kitchen, and a beautiful basement, and a beautiful bathroom, and I was so happy at the end.
And I remembered why I started it to begin with. Everything worked out
So my point is, your initial desire, the emotions that were associated with
that big change that you wanted to make, that big project you wanted to take on, that really tough goal that you set for yourself.
Whatever emotions that you felt as part of that initial desire, so usually, happiness, joy, excitement, that is [00:07:00] what you pay attention to. Those aren't always gonna be the same emotions that you're gonna have throughout the journey
So the emotions that I felt when we made the decision to move to Florida was that. It was excitement, it was opportunity, it was freedom, it was adventure
The journey, the process hasn't given me those same emotions.
It hasn't been easy
but I just have to remember the emotions that sparked this desire in the first place
And honestly, I feel like when you have these conflicting emotions, that might just mean that whatever it is that you are moving on from or letting go of, you just really cared about. it just really mattered to you
Because if it didn't, you wouldn't feel this way. If you hated whatever it was that you're leaving, then you're not gonna feel those feelings of sadness because you're, you're like, "Good riddance."
So for us it's a big move, but for you it could be, leaving a relationship or a friendship or a job, and there might [00:08:00] be components to those things that you really loved
sometimes it's hard to leave what we're comfortable with
But usually there's a reason that you wanna leave in the first place. There's something that is out of alignment with whatever it is that you're experiencing. And if the feeling of moving on, starting something new, setting a new goal, making a major transition excites you, then that's what you have to pay attention to.
That doesn't mean that whatever you're leaving was completely worthless or a waste of time. It just means that it's no longer serving you.
And sometimes you have to let go of things in order to make the space that's needed to allow those new things to come in
you can't bring in new things if you don't have the room for them
, I had a vision for my dream life, and living in a tropical warm climate was part of that. So if my vision is a warm tropical climate, then I've gotta let go of the sub-zero winter [00:09:00] climate
your desire, the emotions that are associated with that is your compass, and it's your duty to follow it
So if you have these dreams or this vision or this goal or anything that you're trying to achieve Think about whatever you're doing now. Is it helping you move towards that goal, or is it keeping you where you are now?
What is something that you need to let go of? What are some things that are no longer serving you that do not fit into that new vision?
So whatever journey that you're on in achieving this grand vision, give yourself permission to feel sad or scared or stressed because it's gonna happen. it's not gonna be all butterflies and rainbows the whole time, especially when you have to let things go
But just don't let those emotions be your guide.
, Remember the emotions that drew you towards that decision to begin with
And focus on what it is that you're working towards. Don't focus on how you're feeling, [00:10:00] all of the negative emotions right now. So when I was feeling all of this turmoil, I just kept focusing on what I wanted it to feel like in the end
I just kept having to remind myself, like, focus on what it is that you want and the reason that you decided to make this decision in the first place. think about it, like, is this, is this fear or is this growth?
And also reframe it. , If you are leaving your hometown, maybe you will inspire someone else to do the same. If you're leaving a relationship, maybe you're actually helping that other person.
Maybe that other person will find someone that's better suited for them, and you as well. Maybe it's just uncomfortable in the moment, but in the end, it's all gonna work out even better than you planned
All right, guys. I hope this was helpful. These episodes are probably gonna be kinda short these next few weeks because we are actually leaving in a couple weeks, and I am not even gonna have my setup anymore. I don't even know how I'm gonna record. I really wanna [00:11:00] keep showing up every week,
So they might just have to get shorter and shorter. but please bear with me. I appreciate your support throughout this major transition, And if you are in your messy middle of whatever major change you're making in life, I just wanna encourage you to keep going and keep focusing on your why and keep focusing on that end result, that end goal that you were so excited to start to begin with.
And don't let all of these ugly feelings get in the way of that
All right. Thank you for spending your time and energy with me today, and I will see you on the next episode
So bright
