EP39 You Don't Need MORE Discipline, You Need This
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[00:00:00] You're like the stars in outer space. Something about you radiates. And it feels so nice, and it feels so nice, yeah
There is this unwritten rule to success that I feel like we've all just decided that we should accept
And it is repeated so often that most of us don't even question it
We've always been told that if you wanna be successful, then you have to learn how to be disciplined
But as someone who has always been really disciplined ever since I was young I've now realized that this is not necessarily the case
What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word discipline? To me, discipline sounds like punishment Discipline means something is gonna be hard. Definitely not gonna be fun It's something that you don't really want to do but you know that you have to
and then it's like if we're not consistent with our goals or whatever we want to accomplish we think that we're the problem
We think I'm just lazy, or I'm inconsistent, or I just need more discipline But what [00:01:00] if discipline isn't what you need?
What if instead of always trying to force yourself to do something that you don't really wanna do
What if you found something that you were just really connected with and something that you were really devoted to?
What if it was something that when you were doing the work didn't even really feel like work?
Because I feel like there's a big difference in doing something because you think you should
And doing something because there's just something in you that feels called to it
So maybe you don't really need more discipline. Maybe you just need something that you're just really devoted to
Hi, I'm Jessica, and you're listening to the Starlit Success podcast
And in today's episode, we're talking about why I think we've been looking at discipline completely wrong
We have been conditioned to believe that discipline is what creates success
But you don't need discipline to do the things that you love or do the things that really matter to you
Being devoted to something is what [00:02:00] gives you the discipline to do the parts that you don't love
so the definition of devotion is having a deep, strong feeling of love, loyalty, or dedication to someone or something whereas discipline is following rules
And forcing yourself to do something even if you don't feel motivated to do it
That's why discipline usually feels like something I have to do, whereas devotion feels like something I want to do
But I think we've always been taught to focus on discipline first
Like do the work, follow the rules, stick to the schedule, be consistent
But what are you doing all that for? What are you actually excited about?
What do you care about enough to want to keep showing up?
I feel like school is such a good example of this We're taught to go to school, be on time Do your work, pass the exams Get the degree and land a good job Like all the discipline
But where's the part where we actually find out what we're interested in?
at the age where kids go to college, like most of them have [00:03:00] no idea what they wanna do. I know I didn't
Where are the classes that help you explore what your passions are?
We're really good at teaching people what they're supposed to do
But we're not really that good at helping people figure out what they want to When it comes to discipline, I've seen the complete opposite. Like with my boys and their business
they didn't need a ton of discipline to start it. They just really wanted to
Nobody had to make them
they didn't have some strict schedule that they followed. They didn't have some rigid blueprint
They just had like this burning desire and just felt really drawn to doing it
They fell in love with the idea, then they fell in love with the process And then they got a lot of satisfaction from doing the hard work and then having a really appreciative customer
But devotion came first. They just wanted to do it. They had fun with it. They liked it
And then because of that, discipline followed
Because they wanted to do it and they enjoyed it, they wanted to keep [00:04:00] showing up. They wanted to keep getting better. They wanted to elevate their marketing. They wanted to learn new skills. They wanted to upgrade their equipment Nobody made them do any of that. Nobody forced them to do any of that
They didn't start with discipline and then magically became passionate about it after
They cared so much about it first, and then the discipline grew from that
And I believe that's why they found success
And I think that's why this order matters so much
Discipline can get you started But I do not believe that discipline alone will keep you going
You can make the plan, you can do the research, you can schedule the time You can force yourself to sit down and do it, and you can even push yourself through it for a while
Like if you're consistent and you continuously show up, I'm not gonna lie, that, that'll create action
But how long can you keep forcing yourself to show up when it's something that you don't truly care about?
Eventually that initial excitement that you had when you got it going will wear off. [00:05:00] Ask me how I know
Life will eventually get busy, and now you have to find the time to do it
And then you probably will have to start making some sacrifices
And you probably won't see the fruits of your labor right away
And then it becomes a lot harder to make those sacrifices
When the shit that you're doing isn't really bringing you a ton of joy
It honestly just starts to feel like work, and then you wonder, like, "Why did I just create another job for myself?"
But that's when your why has to be so much stronger than your desire to quit
Because if the only thing that is holding your goal together is discipline
Eventually you're gonna start asking yourself like, "Why am I even doing this?"
And if you haven't already, go listen to my episode on how to be a successful quitter because this was me so many times I was always super disciplined when I started something until I wasn't
I was disciplined, I was showing up, I was doing the thing, I was doing the work, but then it started to feel so forced
I wasn't finding any joy in [00:06:00] it. It wasn't lighting me up
Like all of the things that I quit were things that I thought I should do. They weren't things that I was truly passionate about So I had the discipline to get started. I had the discipline to remain consistent for a while, but I didn't have the devotion to keep me going when things got hard because I didn't truly care about it
I didn't love it enough to continue
I truly don't think it was because I needed more discipline. I just wasn't devoted to what I was doing
I'm not saying that you will never need any discipline to achieve whatever it is that you're trying to go after
Because there will absolutely be times that you have to do something that you really don't wanna do
Like for the podcast itself, I love the creative process I love getting the inspiration. I love coming up with ideas. I love sitting down and planning episodes. I love filming
I never have to make or plan time to do any of that
I literally do all of that just completely on my own. I leave my [00:07:00] laptop up and I swear it just speaks to me like a bat signal, like I'm just drawn to it naturally
But those are the parts that are fun for me and that are engaging But when it comes to editing or all the admin shit that goes along with the podcast
like file transferring, file naming and organization, show notes, titles
transcripting, scheduling, publishing Yeah, I, I definitely need discipline for all of that
I even need a little discipline when it comes to filming
not because I don't want to record, but because I still have a job, I still have a family, I still have a house to maintain. So sometimes I have to get creative with where I'm gonna find a few stretch of hours of uninterrupted time to film
So if I wasn't disciplined and I didn't plan ahead in my schedule, then this wouldn't happen
And the thing is, is I'm not devoted to editing or all of the admin things that go along with podcasting. I'm devoted to what those parts serve in [00:08:00] the bigger picture
Those tedious, boring things have to happen in order for the podcast to exist. And of course, it's all satisfying after the fact
But my devotion is to doing what I love And that gives me the reason to be disciplined about the parts that I don't
You know, the funny thing is, is while I was planning this episode, I was actually supposed to be working out, but my laptop was up and I found myself sitting in front of it planning the episode. So that is just like a perfect example of devotion versus discipline. My devotion drew me into planning this episode, whereas my discipline was lacking because I was supposed to be working out.
So clearly I need more discipline to work out
I think another reason why having devotion is so important
It doesn't just help you keep doing whatever it is you wanna do I think it makes you wanna keep getting better at it
If you have enough discipline, you [00:09:00] might continue to show up But if you don't really care that much about whatever it is that you're doing and you're just kinda going through the motions How much are you really willing to invest into getting really good at it
I think there's a big difference between doing the job or doing the work
and actually caring about the quality Of whatever you're creating or providing.
I believe like when you love something, you just naturally give it more attention
You're just naturally gonna spend a lot more time and energy on it, which just gives you more opportunity to get better at it
It's just something that you think about without even thinking about it. You know what I mean? Like, you think about it without even having to
and then you learn more about it because you want to, because you're interested in it and you're curious about it
And then maybe you notice little things that you could improve. So you start experimenting
you care about the result because the result matters to you
I feel like discipline can make you try something. It can even make you wanna practice it. But having devotion is what makes you wanna become a [00:10:00] master at it
I think about like customer service experiences. I've worked in customer service. It can be a really thankless job
you've definitely had the interaction where you've left feeling like, "Oh my God, that person hates their job."
Technically, they're probably doing their job
They're there. They're asking whatever questions they have to ask. They're clicking whatever buttons they're there to click
But you can tell they're doing like the bare minimum Like maybe a chatbot would've done better
And then compare that experience with someone who is genuinely invested in helping you
I actually just went through this with a medical bill that Javen got from his ACL surgery. So since he just turned 18, I lost all access to his medical bills, his records, whatever, through MyChart. So I had to call to figure out how I could pay it because I couldn't access it online.
So the first girl I got was super unhelpful. She just kept telling me that it didn't exist. She couldn't find it anywhere. Like, she just kept repeating herself that, "I can't see it. I don't see it." She couldn't pull up [00:11:00] his name, his birthdate, nothing. It got to a point where I just ended up ending the call because I knew if I called back, I would eventually get someone that was willing to help.
I call back, I get this lady who was so nice, so compassionate. She was so stumped as to why she couldn't see it in the system that it just got her more curious about what the actual issue was. So then she started asking more questions. She started doing some more digging, and eventually figured it out
compared to the first girl, she went above and beyond what I would have expected
But I walked away thinking like, "Wow, she really cared. Like, she was really good at her job."
And I felt like it's because she truly just cared about the outcome. She truly cared about helping me
and I don't just wanna get better at delivering content and podcasting because someone's gonna give me some kind of performance review
I want to get better at it because it matters to me. I care about what I'm doing. [00:12:00] I care about you and the people I'm serving
So basically my point is when you give a shit about something You don't wanna just keep doing it for the sake of doing it. You wanna get really fucking good at it
So think about one of your big goals or a dream that you have right now that you're, maybe you're pursuing
maybe it's something that you're just spending your time, energy, and maybe even money on trying to accomplish
Are you constantly having to force yourself to do it?
Do you keep thinking like, "Ugh, I just need to be more disciplined"? Ask yourself like, " Do I actually want this?" Or is it just something that you think you should want or something that you should be doing?
Now think about something that you're like really devoted to Something that nobody has to remind you to do. Nobody has to remind you to care about it
it's just something that you're naturally just pulled towards. Just something that you do on your own
And compare the two and notice what's different
What would your life look like if you just stopped [00:13:00] trying to be disciplined towards your goals? that maybe you don't even want And start building your future around the things that you really care about
Thank you guys. Thank you for spending your time and energy with me today. I will see you on the next episode
